From: Nuts and Bailouts ’18

Should we tax robots?

Opinion one: Only the sex robots. Other robots are essential job creators and therefore should not be taxed by the government lest their productivity be hampered by bureaucratic regulations.

Opinion two: Robots, like human productive job creators, should be taxed like regular labor, even the sex robots. They should also be given rights as taxpayers. There should be a robot political party who can run candidates that will defend Robo Rights™. WALL-E 2020. Wall-E 2020.

 

From: Pumpkin Spice Luvah ’21

What are some fun fall activities to do on campus?

Personally, I like to transition from my spring/summer allergies to a full-on head cold in the fall. This leaves a good one-week period of healthiness before WesPlague inevitably sets in for the rest of the semester. Spend your one week without a runny nose going apple picking, crying about your midterms, or overthinking your Halloween costume before you end up going as whatever you did last year. Or do what I always do: have late night conversations on Foss Hill motivated by your existential dread.

 

From: Friendless on Foss ’20

My mom says I don’t have enough friends. How do I make more?

You can always build or purchase a robot friend! E.g. C3PO, R2-D2, Goddard, Marvin, Bender, HAL 9000 (at first…), Number 5 (is alive!), the maid from the Jetsons (not so much a friend, but pretty useful acquaintance), or, if you’re strapped for cash, your Roomba.

 

From: A Spooky Ghost ’20

What should I be for Halloween this year?

Be yourself. I often find that I only truly feel like myself when I’m wearing a mask. If the true costume is your body, and wearing a physical costume means you feel free, you should go completely nude in order to truly be in the spirit of Halloween. That’s what you want, isn’t it?

Or, be a robot.

 

From: Terminator Trust Issues ’19

Can I trust anymore humans if they could all be robots?

I don’t trust humans. I only trust robots. We’re all robots. M Roth is a robot. Bee Boop Bot. WALL-E 2020. WALL-E 2020. Let the Computer be Your Ruler. 

 

The copy editors cannot be reached.