Cultural suffocation is a slow and painful process, this I know. It is unlike the claustrophobia of the caterpillar who, in a cosmic slumber, meets its own death. It is instead like a stifling outside force pressed upon others like second skin. Wesleyan suffocates when it’s “cool” culture meets inebriated egos.

Our insular program houses and senior spaces give a false sense of security and importance within a cavern of coolness. I argue that it is the misguided desire to defy social norms and to create countercultural spaces that breed an energy of fear, insecurity and vitriol at white-dominant Wesleyan University.

I give two examples from Art/Music House:

The first instance involves a white individual who has had a history of alienating people. I’ve seen this individual act unkindly toward others on multiple occasions, and I felt compelled to challenge their behavior. Instead of taking a moment to consider why I could have asked them to contemplate the repercussions of their actions, this individual chose to yell at me and accuse me of attacking them. They then yelled at my friend, who was only peripherally involved, believing us to be ganging-up on them.

A second instance with a white woman: on an evening when I had been locked out of my room, I asked a passerby for help. This individual immediately became confused, asking me what I was doing. This individual proceeded to accuse me of breaking into someone else’s room and threatened to call Public Safety. I had to use this person’s iPhone to be supported by a more understanding community member.

Neither of these individuals addressed their behavior nor offered any apologies. Instead, they continued to protect their image and the pseudo-countercultural spaces that bolster self-worth at Wesleyan. While I do not intend to slander these people or to disregard whatever suffering precipitated their behavior, I do intend to challenge the reflex to pardon thoughts and actions that threaten the comfort and dignity of others, especially in white-dominant spaces. I argue that to be both unkind and unwilling to change is a symptom of larger cultural maladies that exist at Wesleyan.

The ill of dissonance extends beyond these two examples. I see it in the apathetic way people talk to one another. I see it in how segregated our parties are. I see it in the constant need to play devil’s advocate in social issues rather than to validate the lived experiences of students of color. I see it in the way we treat our transportation, custodial and dining staff friends. I see it in cultural appropriations, New Yorker copies and countless other artifacts from this lofty culture.

You cannot suffocate yourself, but there are several ways to drown.

To end, I give a short list of things I believe to be genuinely cool–not to encourage pursuit of some cultural ideal, but to challenge everyday thought: kindness, compassion, James Baldwin, listening to others, and self-awareness.