I just can’t deal with campus sometimes. Everyone is so intolerant of views that don’t match their own. Do I fight back or just stay quiet to avoid being hated? — Frustrated on Foss ’17
This is certainly the question of the moment. With all the swirling controversy in this school, it’s easy to get pulled under.
I can only give you my point of view: I only engage if I think it will be productive. In some scenarios, this means getting my ass kicked by people far more informed than I am. If people are being intolerant, sometimes it’s because they’ve got something to say and no time for bullshit. I like hearing these opinions if I’m going to learn something. When people have rabid opinions about things that I feel informed about, such as pro-life issues and women’s rights, I generally tune out. I’m not going to waste my time and get riled up. As Jack Donaghy once said, “If you wake a sleepwalker, you risk getting peed on.” Liz Lemon replied, “Or getting THANKED on!” and nobody believed her because that is very stupid logic.
Go outside your comfort zone to learn from people with strong views who can teach you something, but don’t spend your life fighting with idiots. Smile, nod, and then change the subject. You don’t have to agree with everyone.
I think I hate my friends. We have nothing in common, and I think they are stupid and shallow. I would much rather watch “Game of Thrones” alone in my room. Is that bad? — Thrones Over Bros ’16
Hey Thrones Over Bros,
Well, there’s a couple of different ways to look at this. If you’re an introvert and you need some time alone to recuperate from social interactions, that is totally legit and not something to feel bad about. At Wesleyan, we’re so hyper-socialized that we think taking an hour to ourselves makes us nasty little freaks. I need to be alone a lot, but every time I leave a situation to be alone, I feel like a troll who lives under the bridge and hates everyone. But in order to have positive social experiences later on, I have to have some positive non-social experiences too.
However, if you’re spending all day watching “Game of Thrones” and the only person who knows you still have a pulse is Tyrion Lannister, you’re kind of screwed if something goes wrong. Like a power outage, or “Game of Thrones” being cancelled, or dinner when you’re kind of ready to talk about what happened in this week’s episode.
Hating your friends is natural at some points when you’re constantly together, but if you’ve lost sight of what they’re bringing to your life, then it may be time for some tapering. Start expanding your circles. Join some new clubs, invite someone out for lunch who you think is cool, or go to the “Game of Thrones” screenings at the Film Center. Don’t be a dick to your current friends, but it’s totally O.K. to start meeting new people and spreading your time.
How do I get over my ex if we’re still hooking up (sometimes)? — Melancholy at the Usdan Marketplace ’16
This is a super hard question. I like to abuse myself emotionally by keeping in constant contact with my exes, but I’ve never hooked up with an ex after breaking up, because that is far too confusing for me.
However, I know that these behaviors occur. So, I guess what I’d have to say is that you should do what’s going to help you move forward. For some people, hooking up for a while after breaking up is a good way of reducing the intensity of feelings slowly. Going through a breakup is hard, and if your ex can help you through it, that’s a really positive thing. But it sounds like you’re ready to end your heartbreak and hooking up is just dragging it out.
Don’t ever avoid pain. Jump the fuck in. Break things off, cry uncontrollably for two weeks, spend a month going to parties and leaving quickly because you can’t handle it. Slowly, you’ll be able to stay at parties a little longer without racing home to take your bra off and sob deeply into your mattress topper. Maybe you’ll be able to start inviting people over to take your bra off for you, eventually. With everything in life, time is key. Stop hooking up, and wait a week. Then wait another week, and then another, and let yourself mourn, and then move on.