An Open Letter to the Members of Women (and Allies) for Greek Life and Single-Sex Greek Housing

, by Yael Horowitz,

When I saw this Facebook group I felt a deep, visceral reaction. It hurt me. Just by belonging to this group, whether intentionally or not, each member contributes to a wall of people who seem to stand against fighting sexual assault.

This group was established as a direct response to the movement of students combatting sexual assault. The title itself prioritizes saving Greek life over fighting sexual assault. If the title of the group had been something expressing concern for substantive ways to combat sexual assault, then I would believe that you were engaging with this issue. Yet in the group description, sexual assault isn’t mentioned until the third paragraph. If “the name speak[s] for itself,” then nothing about this group makes me feel like we are working together to combat sexual assault. To say that preserving fraternities on this campus is an “equally important goal” as fighting sexual assault creates an environment in which the weight of survivor’s experiences are diminished. Do you truly believe that this goal is equal to fighting sexual assault?

I recognize that many of you say that you feel comfortable in fraternities, that fraternity brothers are your good friends, that they protect you. I hear you. But using your experiences to negate those of people who are unsafe in these spaces is incredibly disrespectful, hurtful, and flawed. Sexual assault happens everywhere on this campus, and some people have positive experiences in fraternities. But neither of these statements should be used to silence survivors’ experiences and needs, and using these to fight survivors means that you are not really listening. It is frustrating, hurtful and counterproductive hear people’s experiences of sexual assault being used to invalidate other ones. If one person feels unsafe in a space, the comfort of another person does not negate that reality, and it is all of our responsibilities as members of a community and as human beings to listen to the voice that that needs our help. The “unique and significant, positive role fraternit ies have on our campus” should never outweigh a single case of sexual assault, or a single experience of feeling uncomfortable. I ask you all to transcend self-preservation and allow yourselves to feel empathy for those who are marginalized in this conversation.

We need to consider the circumstances of the people engaged in this dialogue: we are speaking as students who do not have institutional support, nor control the major social spaces on campus – it is students who are already at a disadvantage. There are people in our community who are begging you to open your hearts and listen to them. In our world, there are people who are automatically given a stronger voice because of the privileges they have. It is the responsibility of the privileged to step back and allow space for marginalized and pained voices to be heard – not to continue to hold them down.

This group, and the general prioritization of preserving fraternities over working on ways to end sexual assault the does very little to change the status quo. With this issue especially, if you are not actively engaged in challenging the culture that allows sexual assault to pervade this campus, then you are a part of it. This is not a time for apathy or individualism. While I am not asking you to agree with our exact approach, I am asking for us to come together and collectively engage in a very serious issue. Re-examine your priorities, and please choose combatting sexual assault. If you find your priorities are first about saving single-gender Greek life and only secondarily combating sexual assault, then you are directly hurting those who are fighting this fight.

Now more than ever, we need to be a community that supports each other, that is critical of our shortcomings, and that actively aspires to improve. I ask you to challenge yourselves, to reflect on your priorities and to see that there are ways we need to change in this community and support each other. I ask you to prioritize eliminating the suffering and trauma of your fellow students that results from sexual assault. I ask you to remain engaged in this issue in a positive and productive way, to support those who need it, and to listen to the voices that have been silenced.

Respectfully,
Yael Horowitz ’17

  • What

    “I recognize that many of you say that you feel comfortable in fraternities, that fraternity brothers are your good friends, that they protect you. I hear you. But using your experiences to negate those of people who are unsafe in these spaces is incredibly disrespectful, hurtful, and flawed”

    What, then, gives you the right to use your experiences to negate those of the individuals who feel safe in these spaces?

    • I’lltellyouwhat

      Feeling safe in a space isn’t a pressing issue. Feeling unsafe is. There is no issue that needs to be dealt with immediately if someone is feeling safe, but there IS something that must be dealt with as soon as possible if someone feels unsafe, and that is why such feelings take priority in this situation.

  • so…

    “Just by belonging to this group, whether intentionally or not, each member contributes to a wall of people who seem to stand against fighting sexual assault.” So it’s impossible to be pro-greek life and anti-sexual assault at the same time?

    • Guest

      I think that the author means that she wishes that the group had made clear their priorities as first, to combat sexual assault, and second, to preserve greek life. the title of the group suggests that those priorities are reversed, although i don’t think that was necessarily the intention of those who made the group

  • Try your own medicine, Doctor

    “Now more than ever, we need to be a community that supports each other, that is critical of our shortcomings, and that actively aspires to improve. I ask you to challenge yourselves, to reflect on your priorities and to see that there are ways we need to change in this community and support each other.” …And supporting each other in your view entails not supporting members of greek life or those who support greek life. So what you’re really saying is that you want a community which supports everyone except for those who’s views don’t coincide with your own—how open minded! Wouldn’t it be more of a challenge for you to preserve greek life AND fight sexual assault; to recognize that the two aren’t mutually exclusive; to realize that this issue isn’t either/or, black/white, with-us/against-us, actively-helping/hurting?

    • lol

      ayala loves to accuse people of not being “open minded” lol

      ouch, that one really stings

      • op

        do less.

  • Anonymous

    The members of the group in question are in no way attempting to legitimate sexual assault or to demean the suffering of survivors of sexual assault. Ultimately, I feel that this very necessary argument – that of supporting survivors of sexual assault and of preventing further assaults – has veered far from its original goal on this campus. Though some believe that fraternities should be exclusively blamed for this issue, it is not my personal belief that the spotlight should be on frats alone. Many schools that have eliminated Greek life continue to facilitate the culture of privilege and sexual assault. I believe that the topic of sexual assault has ultimately been minimized and trivialized by the focus on Greek life. Individuals who have experienced the horrors of sexual assault unrelated to their participation in fraternity events have been entirely ignored. If this debate was truly focused on relieving the suffering of those who have survived sexual assault, focus would be entirely on preventing sexual assault (via campus-wide bystander training and further education regarding the causes, effects, and prevention of sexual assault) and providing resources to victims of sexual assault. The emphasis on the fraternity presence on campus does little to ameliorate the situation of many survivors of sexual assault on this campus. Come to your senses, Wesleyan community. We should strive to address those who have been marginalized by sexual assault, not to marginalize additional populations of Wesleyan students. Every student deserves respect, and the current state of this issue has only contributed to the polarization of our campus. Strive to eliminate sexual assault, not to marginalize students associated with Greek life. There are two separate debates occurring on our campus, one of which is vital for the safety of Wesleyan culture. Do not lose sight of our ultimate goal – to eliminate sexual assault and to facilitate the recovery of those who have been subjected to the horrors of sexual assault.

  • Torii Johnson, ’17

    To a great many of the responses:

    The group that Yael is talking about was made in direct reaction to multiple sexual assault forums that included the conversation of Greek Life, or if we want to really call the meetings out, they were centered around Greek life and why/how they were involved in the discussion.

    I think an important thing to remember is that this is not a post address to the campus about sexual assault. It is addressed to the group Women (& Allies) for Greek Life and Single-Sex Housing, and she has written this letter to say she is shocked that defending fraternities (not just greek life, because Rho Ep isn’t in question and is not allowed its own single sex housing). So Yael isn’t at all trying to emphasize the fight on frats, I don’t think. “This group, and the general prioritization of preserving fraternities over working on ways to end sexual assault the does very little to change the status quo.” And I really think that the opposite is true as well, that worrying over the abolishment of fraternities is as little worth our energy as well.

    I want to say that when I looked at the group’s page and saw that Ayala had posted the app Kitestring, I was incredibly impressed. Not because I was surprised, just because that app is something that all people going out to places like the parties frats throw need something like that. It’s an actual effort, albeit small.

    TL;DR:
    I think that if the group had more of a focus on preserving frats and actually discussing how to do so with the survivors they are CONSTANTLY arguing with or trying to placate, there could be a lot of good done. A lot more than just yelling and calling survivors misguided.

    • Ugh

      I don’t understand why people don’t realize that there are survivors in that group as well…. Being a survivor and supporting Greek life are not mutually exclusive.

      • Torii Johnson, ’17

        I do know that, which is why I think that instead of telling other survivors that they are wrong for their feelings, they should consider a different approach. I haven’t seen any work to find solidarity in surviving assault, only this group and the other loose groupings of students opposed.

        Every survivor that supports fraternities and their current housing on campus (which is the point of the group, not just “pro Greek life”) is TOTALLY VALIDATED in their feelings, but by saying that they are comfortable in these spaces in direct response to other survivors, they are hurting and offending some of us by invalidating our experiences.

  • Ellen Alexander

    I think it’s important for everyone to recognize that the (large) group of students, faculty and staff that are fighting for coeducation of all residential spaces on campus are not solely interested in eliminating frats, nor is anyone under the illusion that sexual assault will be solved by coeducating/eliminating frats on campus. Rather, we recognize that these organizations create a fundamentally unequal space and culture that have a propensity for abetting sexual assault. Sexual assault is not exclusive to frats on campus – far from. But in light of recent events, as well as the fact that many students do NOT feel safe in frats and/or have experienced firsthand the insidious sexism and exclusivity in the frats, we believe that eliminating single-sex frats on campus is an important PART of changing the larger campus culture around sexual assault.

    The focus on frats is an important part of the dialogue, though it is not the whole picture. As Yael said, if certain students are interested in preserving frats, then I sure hope they remember the real priority here: eliminating sexual assault and gender inequalities on campus.

  • surviva’

    I’m in the group and I support the survivors, as do many others in the group. Perhaps you should refocus your efforts on individual support of those survivors as well rather than writing an open letter that generalizes the priorities of every individual in this group. This isn’t a bipartisanship, we’re hoping to work together with the rest of campus from an angle that simply does not include abolishing Greek life altogether. Being in support of a discussion that excludes this abolishment does not in any way correlate to a lack of support to those who are ‘disadvantaged’. Thanks for listening.

    • OP

      — sincerely, group member and survivor in support of victims

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