Dear freshmen: welcome to college! We here at The Argus hope that you make the absolute most of your orientation weekend. Check out all of the student groups on campus (like us), visit all of the Middletown restaurants, and groupie all of our excellent on-campus bands! Orientation is about so much more than acclimating to campus culture, though; it’s a chance to forge a bold new identity and a new lifestyle based on the independence and space that college affords. But with that independence comes a lot of responsibility, and everything from your dignity to your life is on the line this weekend. Here’s our guide for how to sidestep some common orientation pitfalls, such as:

1. Losing your room key and/or WesID

For your first week, try to structure as many mnemonic devices within your life as possible to avoid this potential catastrophe. Your WesID is your lifeline to all of life’s bare essentials: food, shelter, textbooks. Keep it in your wallet. Get a keyring for your key—they sell combination keyring/cardholders on the lower levels of Broad Street Books. Never shower without your key! No matter how sexy your bathrobe is, when you strut it down Foss in the middle of the afternoon to rent a spare from ResLife, you will be mocked. If you lose your key at night, the repercussions will be even more disastrous: your beloved RAs will have to get out of bed and retrieve a spare from a far-off safe. ResLife staff are professionally trained not to explicitly show hatred and anger at having to do this, but you will feel those emotions bubbling under the surface.

2. Hallcest

We know. You just broke up with your high school sweetheart, and that raging libido isn’t gonna take care of itself. But do everyone on your hall a favor and walk a ways away from your dorm before trying to do anything about these urges. In the social jungle of Wesleyan, halls can be so much more than the people you go to the bathroom with; with luck, your hall will be a tight-knit support group braving the exciting adventure of college together. But all that can fall apart if the petty dramas of college experimentation cross the barrier of your living community. If you fancy someone on your hall, for everyone’s sake, keep it to yourself. That goes double true for RAs, guys!

3. Being too loud

Keep the music at a reasonable volume and use inside voices. This will be crucial in developing good relationships with your hallmates. Nothing torpedoes somebody’s opinion of you like blasting trap music at full volume when they’re trying to sleep, and noise complaints are not fun to deal with. Similarly, we know that you like to travel in packs and shout, but do it out of earshot of student housing. Telegraphing your presence is good when you’re hiking in the wilderness and want to avoid bears, but bears are nothing compared to the wrath of a senior who just unpacked and is trying to get some shuteye.

4. Sexiling your roommate

This will be fine in a couple of weeks, but it’s a bad place to start off what will be one of the most important relationships you develop during your freshman year. Roommates have to deal with what are essentially the bad parts of married life, and it’s your responsibility to keep things friendly and cordial. Divvy up tasks fairly, only use each others’ hygiene products with permission, and don’t bring someone back to your room without consulting your cohabitant via text first. It’s fine to use the space if your roommate is out, but if you put a sock on your doorknob, be prepared for some heckling (or cheers) from your hallmates.

5. Getting sloppy drunk and going to the hospital

Public Safety officers and RAs are required to arrange a hospital trip if they catch you yakking. Even if you’re just purging the excess beer to get your second wind and make room for more vodka, you could end with an expensive ambulance ride and an embarrassing talk with your parents. With that in mind, consider this: orientation weekend might not be the best time to test your limits. Eat a full meal before starting to drink, keep track of how many drinks you’ve had, and don’t move up to the hard stuff after you’ve already had five beers. That jungle juice might taste super sweet, but don’t treat it like soda at the movies. Know your line!

(Extra anti-bonus points if you manage to do all five at once.)