You probably like music. You probably have the chords to “Wonderwall” and “The General,” like, totally down pat, right? You could probably be in a band or something if, you know, you and your buddies found a drummer or whatever. It might be cool. It probably won’t, but it might.

Following dreams of stage lights, Lear jets, and Williamsburg immortality, a handful of bros and bro-ettes have spent the past few months honing their latest industrial-electro-folk mega jams in the basement of Usdan. Now, it’s time to test their mettle in the ultimate musical colosseum that is Eclectic—it’s Awesomefest, nerds.

The rules are simple: two stages, back-to-back-to-back musical madness, no stops, no holds barred, no experience necessary. Each of the 14 bands entering the arena is brand-spanking new—fresh faces and freshmen, old friends with new projects, spectacles galore. These mythical fires of the Awesomefest forge have produced some of the campus music scene’s latest and greatest: Yeoman’s Omen, Treasure Island, The Taste, and Aaron Burr and the Hamiltones (who played its first show outside of the Butts this semester at MuHo last night) all began their illustrious careers at last year’s Awesomefest.

Hell, alum-rockers Bear Hands, who has been making waves around the blogosphere over the past few years, got their start there years back.

So come bask in the glow of indie royalty (potentially). The most awesome band gets a cash prize, the second a Japanese fighting fish—they all get your undying allegiance. Here’s the night’s lineup of musical gladiators, with a little bit of what they sound like, in their own words:

9:00-9:20 – Uranium Club, sounds like “sex jams for dugongs/manatees on codeine; the most lucid, vivid blackout you (n)ever had; a sex dream that’s way better than reality sex could ever be except, its really more of a nightmare.”

9:20-9:40 – Safety Fist, sounds like “Hot Snakes, [a] drunken louder Wu Tang Clan.”

9:40-10:00 – Stephen Stansfield, sounds like “Stephen Stansfield.”

10:00-10:20 – In Meinem Haufe, sounds like “a psychedelic sludge-rock band whose influences include natural phenomena like rain and childbirth, the architecture of Newark, N.J., and a lot of tween pop bands.”

10:20-10:40 – #HASHFAGZ, sounds like “Justin Bieber getting shot dead in broad daylight.”

10:40-11:00 – Lolita Dos, sounds like “Gun Club, Morphine.”

11:00-11:20 – Laos, sounds like “Gypsy Punk.”

11:20-11:40 – Chants, sounds like “Raw and hardrocking type thing that goes really hard, and most of the lyrics are going to be chanting. A spectacle to behold.”

11:40-12:00 – Third Wheel, sounds like “?”

12:00 – 12:20 – Zain’s Band, sounds like “Shit.”

12:20-12:40 – Elite 4, sounds like “The Dead Weather fucked with Dan Auerbach after listening to the Room on Fire for a little while.”

12:40 – 1:00 – I Saw Monsters, sounds like “Cats on loop singing about God-knows-what.”

1:00 – 1:20 – Nice Veins, sounds like “Punk.”

Get prepared. It all goes down at Eclectic on Saturday at 9 p.m., get there early for optimal bloodshed, glory, and awesomeness.