Andrew Ribner/Photo Editor

Welcome to what is by far the most sugary, fattening, and buttery column of the food section. While many a weekly article has waxed poetic about a savory recipe that will blow your socks off, this one is dedicated to making sure your socks—or any other clothes—no longer fit.

Surely you’re in the same situation I’ve been in far too many times—it’s your friend’s birthday tonight, and a celebration is in order. Of course, it’s Tuesday night and the true-to-college-form celebratory shots are not possible. Now what? How can you possibly celebrate such a momentous occasion? Why, simply appeal to tradition! Make a cake!

Best of all, you don’t even have to leave your room to fulfill your neighborly duty. You don’t have to brave the terrifying kitchen in the Butts just to toil over a cake that will doubtless come out burnt because the oven decided to do its own thing today. All this cake requires is some simple, basic ingredients from Weshop (including the candle!).

Now, given that you live in a freshman dorm, what do you have?

Mug? Check. Microwave? Check. Measuring cup? Nope. You’re not using those shot glasses tonight anyway, so they’ll have to do. Lucky for you, we were kind enough to convert our standard measurements into single-shot glass form. You’re welcome.

Advice: you’re going to want to make two or more. You’ll know why once you taste it, and you’ll thank us for the advice later. We used chai and chocolate chips, and ours was freaking delicious.

2-Minute Mug Brownie (adapted from The Family Kitchen on babble.com)
Makes: 1 Mug Brownie

INGREDIENTS
-1 1/2 shots flour (1/4 cup)
-1 1/2 shots packed brown sugar (1/4 cup)
-3/4 shot cocoa powder (2 heaping tbsp)
-2/3 shot butter, microwaved 30sec* or canola oil (2 tbs)
-1 shot chai, milk, coffee, or water (3 tbs)

Optional mix-ins (we suggest 1/2 shot of any of these)
–Chocolate chips
-Mini (or huge!) chocolate peanut butter cups
-Chocolate-covered anything
-Peanut butter chips
-Shredded coconut
-Nuts

1. Mix dry ingredients (flour, sugar, and cocoa powder) in the mug. Add in the wet ingredients and stir until thoroughly mixed–the mixture should be somewhat sticky and paste-like. Stir in optional mix-ins and microwave for about 1–1 1/2 minutes. They will be moist but somewhat firm when done.

*We microwaved ours in the shot glass. Just be careful that it doesn’t spill over, that there is no metal (like gold leaf) on the shot glass, and that you are careful when removing it, as it will be hot!