Welcome to the horniest college in America!
Many of you, I’m sure, have by now discovered a link to the somewhat-confusing Newsweek and The Daily Beast list that places Wes as first and U Miami as twenty-third in a list of the horniest U.S. colleges. Therefore it is with a touch of pride that I write my first Fran-sexuality column of the new academic year. To those new to our fine, apparently perpetually-aroused university, I humbly offer the probably disappointingly non-erotic Wesleyan Sexual Health Column.
Our #1 rating came just as many of you lovely freshmen were probably packing away the last of your blueberry-flavored condoms and Rabbit vibrators to take to your numerous triples (sorry, guys). Many of you posted it as a Facebook status, one of you posted it on the WesAdmits 2015 page, and about a dozen of you responded to that post with apparent glee. And may I just say, I am glad you’re all here.
But I do want to take a moment to consider this new reputation of ours. Are we really the horniest college in the nation? If so, why? The rankings were based on how horny girls and guys are (woo hooo! Gender binary!) and how strict the administration is. As far as the administration goes, I get the ranking. The Powers That Be pretty much stay out of our sex lives except to give us free condoms (more on that later). They even let girls and boys room together (gasp!) However, the student ranking begs some very important questions. Do we have a bigger hookup culture than, say, Arizona State—a university falsely rumored to be blessed with its own strain of herpes? Unlikely. Do we even have a bigger hookup culture than that of the “average” American college? Probably not.
Wesleyan is unique not because we’re all aching to sleep with each other, but because we’re all aching to TALK about it. If you haven’t discovered this yet, dear frosh, you will soon. Wes kids love to talk—and not only about infinity. We rant about politics, gender issues, environmentalism, and yes, sex. We’ve had porn classes and porn forums, Oh! Megan seminars, and sex parties. Those who have a wide range of sexual experiences at Wes are rarely branded sluts or freaks; they are celebrated—or even better, treated like every other person. We may not be hornier than other college students, but we’re definitely the first to admit that we are horny.
And as I’ve mentioned, the administration seems to be pretty okay with this. They will at least give funding to any student group that can find a Usdan table from which to yell. These include, but of course are not limited to, ASHA (AIDS and Sexual Health Awareness), Take Back the Night, FemNet, Unlocked Magazine, Wesleyan Clinic Escorts, and Students for Consent and Communication. The University also offers free health exams in Davison and birth control for as little as $20. Most other sexual health services are well under $40. Additionally, health visits are completely confidential, and all expenses can be charged to your WesCard under vague descriptions.
Perhaps best of all is the Magical Free Condom Room. I recently learned of this miracle of mankind and though I have yet to visit, I can tell you the whispers that I’ve heard. On the second floor of the Davison Health Center (the gingerbread-looking house to you new folk) there is an unlocked room with more than half a dozen kinds of condoms in boxes lining the walls. There are also paper bags. Feelin’ the magic?
My guess is that these are technically meant for RAs to put in their residence halls, but more than likely your RA will not keep on top of this, and your hall mates will hoard those condoms faster than you can say “sexiled.” So, if you’re sexually active, if you think you might be, or even if you don’t think you will be but just like free stuff, stop by Davison for your new stock of love gloves. Frankly, stop by no matter what. It’s never too soon to be prepared, and condoms usually last about three years – just check the expiration date before you get down.
There are a multitude of services and opportunities related to sexual health at Wesleyan and, whether you are a freshman or a senior, I urge you to take advantage of them. You are at a school that is up for supporting all of your sexual needs—whether medical, spiritual, political, or intellectual. If utilizing these resources and being open about them and about ourselves means that we are horny…well, bring it on, Internet.