As many of you are most likely painfully aware, finals are upon us and crunch time has commenced. Moreover, if you’re anything like Ellie and I, your point balance reads more like a telemarketer’s area code and your meals are dwindling into the single digits.

But fear not our fellow frosh, for it is our humble duty to present to you food pursuits that are both cheap and delectable. In light of the fact that Spring Fling is glittering before us like an effervescent light at the end of this week’s long dark tunnel, and happens to coincide with a famous independence day drink fest, we present to you the best foods to soak up all that liquid courage we know you will be imbibing.

As a frosh, only one kitchen implement outranks all others in importance, utility, and sheer worth: tupperware. Pluck up that remaining bit of courage laying dormant in your overworked minds, go down the hall and ask that cute girl, guy, or anyone in between if they happen to have any spare plastic lying around. Not only is this the perfect excuse to cure those remaining hallcest blues, but it is also the cheapest route to take. Once you have your tupperware assembled, head on down to Usdan and commence the pillaging.

Things to remember: napkins, French fries, veggie/hamburger patties, buns, as many slices of pizza as you can get away with, anything from the pasta section (carbohydrates are your best friend), and three to four squares of whatever dessert creation is available. Cram all this as unobtrusively as possible into a nondescript bag and walk out with your head held high.

Things to avoid: Salad Bar (just trust us on this one), Vegan Section, soup, ice cream (actually just avoid dairy all together), and anything from Classics. Once you have obtained your desired food groups, let your Spring Fling binge begin. For optimum results, Ellie and I suggest the following:

Heat up your pizza in the oven at approximately 350 degrees. Allow the cheese to re-melt into the crust, and, with about six to seven minutes remaining, scatter the French fries atop this hearty goodness. Next, using any handy George Foreman Grill or Panini maker, fry the burgers until they have been re-heated all the way through. To top off this grease-saturated delicacy, place four squares of Usdan deserts (can be anything from walnut blondies to heath bar fudge squares) into a waffle iron and press down for three to four minutes. What you will discover upon opening the iron will be the ultimate guarantee against any future praying to the porcelain god.

With the aforementioned foods plus this dessert compilation, your Cinco de Drinko is sure to be filled with nothing but singing, dancing, and good times to be had by all. Although, as Ellie and I can attest to, Usdan may leave you sometimes feeling a little like Reagan from The Exorcist, the time has come for the tables to be turned. Reclaim your right to good food and exploit Usdan for all it is worth. That is all, enjoy Spring Fling friends!

Peace, love and a hallelujah for the end of the year!

The Freshmen Foodies