Plan for finals: Buy giant bag of chips to nosh on while writing paper. Finish half the bag of chips, finish quarter of paper. Feel awful. Decide you need chocolate to put you in a better mood—lots of chocolate. Buy bag of chocolate chips. Endorphins, right? Eat half of bag of chocolate chips while watching Community. Write a paragraph—feel empowered. Realize you have goldfish leftover from your Usdan To Go lunch (be amazed by the fact that you didn’t eat all your goldfish immediately). Realize that you have five hours left before your paper is due. You need to be proactive! Obviously, you should make cookies. Your end product will be ready in half an hour and look how frugal it’ll be to use those half-finished bags of processed glory!
2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup unsalted butter, melted
1 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar
1 egg yolk
2 cups semisweet chocolate chips
1 1/2 cups chocolate chips, white chocolate chips, peanut butter chips, and/or toffee bits (i.e. if you are hyperglycemic, you may die)
1 1/2 cups goldfish, other cheesy snacks, pretzels, fritos, potato chips, soy crisps, Doritos, corn nuts (i.e. if you have hypertension, you will die)
1. Preheat the oven to 325°F. Grease cookie sheets.
2. Stir the flour, baking soda and salt; set aside. In a medium bowl, cream together the melted butter, brown sugar and white sugar until well blended.
3. Beat in the egg and egg yolk until light and creamy. Mix in the dry ingredients until just blended.
4. Stir in the other lethally sweet/salty items with a wooden spoon. Drop cookie dough 1/4 cup at a time (for giant cookies) or a tablespoon at a time (for smaller cookies) onto the prepared cookie sheets.
5. Bake larger cookies for 15 to 17 minutes, or 10 to 12 minutes for smaller ones (check your cookies before they’re done; depending on your scoop size, your baking time will vary) in the preheated oven, or until the edges are lightly toasted. Cool on baking sheets for a few minutes before transferring to wire racks to cool completely.
6. FINISH YOUR PAPER!