Everyone knows that Christmas is the best holiday—nay, the single best event—of the year. Nothing compares to the magical, sparkly, love-filled, jingle-belling joy that surrounds every person and emanates from every storefront during the Christmas season. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly what makes Christmas so undeniably, mind-blowingly fantastic—playing in the snow, decorating the tree, talking with the relatives you haven’t seen all year, humming carols, watching classic Christmas movies like Miracle on 34th Street and It’s a Wonderful Life, baking cookies, drinking eggnog and spiced cider, hanging stockings, stringing lights, taking a photo with the mall Santa, reading How the Grinch Stole Christmas, warming your hands around the fireplace, waking up on Christmas morning . . . I should probably stop—but without a doubt, food is an essential part of the magic. Christmas dinner is always a delight—but food can make the perfect gift as well. Here’s a guide of food-focused gifts for every member of the family.
Your obsessive-compulsive, exercise fanatic mother
Xoçai Omega chocolate squares. Every woman loves chocolate, but if the woman you’re buying for refuses to eat anything that doesn’t have dietary fiber in it or exceeds a five percent fat content, you may have given up on chocolate as a gift. Luckily, Xoçai offers dark chocolate packed with “plant-based antioxidants that help the body’s cells resist damage by free radicals,” according to their website. Plus, it comes in a sporty-looking wrapper, just in case the description didn’t convince her that it was actually healthy.
Your still-a-hippy-even-though-it’s-been-40-years-since-1970 father
Manna Organic Banana Walnut Hemp Bread. Not only is it delicious and made of hemp, but its loafiness is also reminiscent of the classic Christmas treat fruit cake.
Your stoner little brother
Ben and Jerry’s Magic Brownies Ice Cream. Alright, I’ll admit that this flavor is inspired by Dave Matthews Band, but I promise that it will please your taste buds in exactly the opposite way that Dave Matthews doesn’t please your ears. “Black Raspberry Ice Cream Swirled with Sweet Cream Ice Cream & Fudgy Brownies”—it’s basically Brownie Batter Deluxe Edition. On the other hand, you could always just go for actual magic brownies.
Your legitimately crazy artist aunt
For this one, you’re going to have to bake. There is nothing crazy artists love more than homemade things. I recommend Amanda Schwartz’s Usdanigan compost cookies, but you could always go simple and make classic gingerbread.
Your intellectual professor uncle
Whatever you do, do not get wine. There is no wine you can afford that your Harvard-educated, vest-wearing uncle will not scoff at. Instead, go with a small wheel of good comté—if he loves wine (which I guarantee you he does), he will also love cheese. And comté is always classy.
Your legally blind grandpa
This is your opportunity to get rid of the wheat grass shake mix your exercise fanatic mom put in your stocking—roll it up in a new sheet of wrapping paper and your grandpa won’t even notice. Then again, if you’re not a terrible person, Alaskan smoked salmon is a good choice; salmon improves vision, and since it’s preserved it will still be good when your grandpa finds it next year after forgetting that he put it in the back of the pantry the day after Christmas.