I remember when I saw the title. It had to be a joke, or at least the film would not live up to any of my extremely imaginative and impossible expectations. It was such a succinct title: Robo-Geisha. Like Robocop or Mega Piranha, it summed up the main attraction and the main thrust of the story. A geisha who is a robot. This movie could never, ever be as awesome as the title made it out to be, I thought. Then I searched it on YouTube and found the trailer. Shot and edited in the style of 70s exploitation and martial arts films, I became even more worried: in quick succession I watched a geisha with a chainsaw for a mouth, a house with arms and legs stomping around a city sending CGI geysers of blood spewing from skyscrapers, and a man being stabbed in the eyes with shrimp tempura. Either all of this would happen in the first five minutes of the film and the rest would be an awkward, ham-handed meditation on technology, or all of that was cut and the entire film would be an awkward, ham-handed meditation on technology. But in I dove, unaware of the sheer brilliance and unbridled filmic excellence I was about to experience by watching Robo-Geisha.

The greatest achievement of Robo-Geisha is that it delivers on the promises of the trailer. There is almost never a slow moment or a plodding scene in the film, and the few that do slog are instantly redeemed by the less-than-perfectly translated subtitles. The film on a whole is a self-aware, tongue-in-cheek, yet at the same time delightfully earnest pastiche of 70s exploitation, Japanese pop culture, fetish porn, and family melodrama; katanas emerge from a geisha’s armpit when she (subtitles’ words, not mine) “poses sexily”, giant robots stomp their way up Mount Fuji, and rival geisha fight for the affections of a powerful businessman. It all collides together to make Robo-Geisha a supremely absurd film that should never be watched alone.

I suppose I should give a brief outline of the plot, though this is not exactly a film to watch for the narrative. Yoshie and Kikue are sisters; Kikue is a beautiful geisha and Yoshie is her clumsy assistant. Yoshie causes Kikue to embarrass herself in front of the young, dashing president of Kageno Steel, who has his eyes set on the unnaturally strong Yoshie. After a fight with Mr. Kageno’s former flame, Yoshie proves herself to be an excellent candidate for Mr. Kageno’s secret experiment: turning geisha into cyborg assassins skilled in martial arts, weapon-wielding, and womanly wiles. But soon Yoshie joins forces with the parents of the girls who were assimilated into what one could probably describe as the Borg after a large amount of Pocky and sex. Battles ensue, girls turn to tanks, and before you know it, the film spits you back out and like some drunken night in Vegas, you’re not quite sure how you ended up at the point you ended up at.

The trippy ridiculousness of Robo-Geisha is the main appeal of the film. Do not go in expecting a carefully woven narrative, pithy dialogue (beyond “OH NO, BRO!” shouted when a man gets a pair of fried shrimp to the eyes), or gorgeous CGI effects. Instead, expect the absurd, the ultra-violent, and a film that will leave you wondering what the hell you just watched. Ultimately you’ll look back on the insanity you just experienced with fondness, though.

And if you’re still curious, here’s the trailer: