I remember coming in as a lil’ freshman six months and seven weeks ago, wide eyed at the fact that parties don’t actually take place in your friend’s unfinished basement. I have to admit: I went a little overboard with the whole hooking up (whether it may be making out or sex) scene (which I feel is represented by this photo).
By the end of September I had lost count of my hook ups at twenty-five. I actually remember entering a house with the goal in mind to make out with every person inside (mission accomplished…). Clearly, I have no reservations with sex and my sexuality; I feel I should do whatever my body wants to do. This got me thinking about sex, and sexuality at Wesleyan.
I feel the Wesleyan social scene is known for its sex parties, naked parties, and parties involving porn and milk shakes. One thing I love about this school is that a lot of the events that are held are so open about sex and sexuality (and milkshakes). But as a second semester freshman, I know for a fact that I don’t have a true grasp of the sex and sexuality scene.
I do feel from my (limited) experience that a lot of the students here are very open and accepting of hooking up, relationships and alternate sexualities. I find it awesome that at many parties so many people are relaxed about two guys dancing together or huge grind trains. I have visited a lot of other colleges where these seemingly inconsequential events become a huge deal. For example, when I visited UConn over fall break I was at this party surrounded by obese bros, and girls whose fake tan made Snooki look like part of the Aryan race. I started to talk to this girl with a tongue ring, we will call her “Prudence.” Prudence drunkenly admitted to me that she really wished she could have sex with a girl, but she didn’t want to tell anyone at UConn. (Apparently those Sorority Sisters’ videos aren’t accurate.) In response, I immediately jumped right in, and starting to talk about bisexuality, the Kinsey scale, and Ziggy Stardust. Though we ended up hooking up (tongue rings are like a second tongue!), I felt assured that Prudence had the confidence in her sexuality to find someone or some place in which she could hook up with people who she wanted to hook up with.
While I was at Conn College, my boyfriend and I went to a dance party at the student center. We got bored and went to get some dumplings from the bustling café downstairs. While in this crowded café, we decided that it would be fun to have a three way kiss with our friend Estelle Getty (not her real name). I have performed such a kiss at Wesleyan many times whether at parties, or on Foss Hill. The only reactions I have received at Wesleyan were applause or nothing at all. However, at Conn, the entire café froze. If my life was a low budget teen movie, this scenario would be that scene where the music screeches to a stop, and crickets can be heard in the background. So I left Conn College pretty unscathed, however, three weeks later my wonderful hall mate brought her friend from Conn College. I sparked up conversation with her and told her my little Conn experience; she said to me in shock, “That was you? We are still talking about those Wesleyan kids who whored up our party.”
While I feel that many people whom I have interacted with here are very open and accepting with sex and sexuality, the things I have seen on the ACB are a little concerning. Though I shouldn’t judge everything that I read on the ACB, it was sad to see so many threads about who is slutty, easy, freaky, all used in a negative light. Now I hope that the authors of these threads are a small minority in our community, and hopefully not the type of people who claim to be tolerant. I really feel like no one should disrespect anyone based on his or her sexual behavior. I don’t think anyone has the right to judge someone on who they like and I feel that no punishments or shame should come from sex. Now, I admit I have seen things that I am uncomfortable with, but I quickly realize how close minded I am being and I have learned to accept many behaviors.
So in the lesson of English professor Ray J, next time you are at some party and you see someone you like just ask, “Sexy Can I?”
Yes sexy you can,
Dylan
37 Comments
Prudence
This is terrible. Actually just terrible. How is a rant about how people should be accepting of other sexualities considered legitimate fodder for a column?
Holy God
Keep it in your pants and do some studying. There’s a reason India, Turkey, Iran, and China are surpassing us in the technological fields, and it’s because of Wesleyans gone wild.
School is supposed to be a long and brutal process shaping you into a scientific genius. No sex allowed!
I remember long nights slaving away beneath my mentor as he cracked the whip in our dimly lit basement laboratory.. god that gets me so wet.. But! I mean to say, study, not sex. Sex is for after college, after you develop strange submissive fetishes involving laser laboratories.
Oh man
This is actually really embarrassing.
Oh man
Although to be fair, “tongue rings are like a second tongue” is pretty good.
i wish this wasn't a column
it’s kind of sad, and poorly written, and doesn’t really make a lot of sense
David Lott, '65
Try to rediscover masturbation–it takes a lot less time and energy. Then go to class and learn how to write.
Sleaze
or read a book and do something useful for your career like learn how to impress the professor and suck up (evidently you already know more than any of us about ‘sucking down’)
Sleaze
Nice photo though.
parent of incoming freshman daughter
I am disturbed by this column…..
haaahh
why are all these commenters such prudes?
its just sex, get over it!
its true that the column isn’t written that well…but the content is interesting, so i hope it continues
wtf
oh i definitely hope this kid keeps writing….but these stories are so fucked up
another parent of incoming freshman daughter
hmmmmm… not sure what disturbs me more — the quality of the writing produced by a Wes sophomore, or the content.
cribbles sloop
Even method magazine would have passed this one up, and that’s saying something
...
Sex, sexuality, sexual desires, and/or whatever can only be judged on a personal level. There is no need to feel that you’re being “close-minded” if you are uncomfortable with a situation, sexual or not.
On the other hand, this column offended me, as I’m sure it offended some many others at Wesleyan, because one: it may show us, the Wesleyan student body, in a perverse, sexually predatory manner; and two: because I don’t believe sex is simply following my bodily urges. Sex to many is something more than just a cruise-control of our libidos.
Please keep in mind that although our school IS much more sexually accepting than other colleges, it may still not be the best choice to publicly rant about the sexual close-mindedness of other colleges by highlighting your undoubtedly vast hook-up life.
an actual wesleyan student
to anyone reading this ‘blargasm’:
this kid doesn’t represent our school at all. in fact, i don’t have a fucking clue who he is, where he came from, how he got in, or why the hell he’s here. yes, we are a pretty tolerant campus. the lgbt community is barely a distinct community–we’re all one student body. that doesn’t mean that we’re all hypersexual nutcases who feel comfortable broadcasting to their mothers that they give road head or shock-jock other colleges with 3 way kisses. i haven’t seen a three-way kiss since a mockumentary of ohio state spring break. we’re tolerant and accepting and even celebratory of alternative sexualities and sex. and yes, ideologically, our school can probably be summarized as anti-puritan. but that doesn’t make us depraved morons.
bottom line: we approach sexual freedom because we’re tolerant and serious about protecting liberties, not because we want to fuck everyone.
kid, stop fucking posting. you’re gonna end up on the wall street journal op ed page looking like a douche bag. spend a year reading foucault and butler. don’t leave your room. really, don’t. if you’re still passionate about sexual freedom, at least you’ll know it’s not about meaningless promiscuity and tila-tequila-like self-promotion.
Anonymous
Yawn. This article screams, “PAY ATTENTION ME. VALIDATE ME AS A PERSON.” As someone who is fascinated by all aspects of sex and sexuality, both academically and personally, I would encourage you to stop discussing, seeking out, and using sex for its shock value and start thinking of it as a way to truly make your body and your self feel good rather than as way to gain social status.
Stop disparaging people who are uncomfortable with open displays of sexuality as unliberated. The public/private debate with regards to sexuality extends much further than the “prude/not prude” dichotomy.
SEX
SEX SEX SEX
Frosh
This column is unbelievably embarrassing for all parties involved. Shut this kid down, please.
G
So boring. Sorry kid, but when it comes to getting your head around the idea of sex, you aren’t even at stage one. Also, a bit of decency never hurt anyone.
HATERS BACK OFF
Listen Bitches, for those of you who bash Dylan for his writing style: you can suck a fat one. He is writing a blog, which is an informal mode of communication. This is not an essay for your Medieval Europe class in which you have to spend countless hours researching the best word to use for “peasant” or the most eloquent way to deliver your thesis. Dylan didn’t spend his time stalking Thesaurus.com; he wrote in a way that would best relay his message. If sex makes you uncomfortable and you can only get it up for some cheap porno and your dominant hand, than that is your own problem. Don’t attack Dylan for telling a story to an online community. He isn’t trying to scream for attention, because he gets enough from his intelligence and kindness. In the words of Mirandasings08, Don’t Make Any Rude Comments Haters!
Medieval Literature Teaches Us Things and Those Things Are Good
If Medieval Europe is going to come up, someone should observe that there were two separate schools of theologists in that time and place: Scholastics and mystics. Crudely summarized, Scholastics pursued God through an intellectual and academic lens while mystics pursued God through an experiential and emotional lens.
I feel like this column kind of promised to offer insights on sex and sexuality in both these lenses– academic and experiential– which is kind of exciting! Sadly, I also feel like this column is not really delivering on either of these fronts. For all the name-dropping of entities like social sexuality and the gender binary (Scholastic stuff), all we actually hear about are three-way kisses and how prude Conn College is. And while this might at first seem like experiential insight (mystic stuff), none of that is really explored here– just publicized. Mystics felt the corporeal presence of God and strove to understood it, and then to convey that understanding in great detail; here, we get a lot of pop culture references but no real analysis or conveyed understanding of this behavior.
What’s unfortunate is that, in the absence of either of these pursuits, this column just comes across as self-promoting and maybe even desperate. But it doesn’t have to do that! It just needs to deliver on the goods it promised.
EVERYTHING IS REALLY SERIOUS
The stories he writes are fun to read, and although his message is too simple to be helpful, I don’t understand why all you angry bastards can’t just enjoy reading about a guy who does crazy shit that would scare you flaccid. Or dry. Or gender-neutrally so.
John Wesley Hardon
Too much information!
...
I’d love to make out with you :)
lolz
I can’t imagine being this kid’s roommate. I hope he’s in a single, otherwise there is probably one SERIOUSLY unhappy frosh running around here.
'08
None of what Dylan discusses really seems to me to even live up to its (seemingly) intended purpose – forcing people to experience something outside of their “closed-minded” sexual attitudes. The triple kiss was popularized by an MTV reality show about spring break, for god’s sake. This view of sex is the ultimate corporate “bait and switch” marketing tool. A very carefully crafted version of taboo sells quite well. The whole “do what feels good” identity is SOLD to you. Alcohol & partying, mostly alluring for dangling the possibility of getting laid, are big business.
I would suggest changing your moniker: Ridiculously Corporate Man Whore.
Anonymous
Dylan, i’d love it if you took the time to reply to some of these comments. sure a lot of them are negative, but if you have any respect for yourself and the reputation you want for this blog i suggest writing something back to your readers.
anonymous who cares more about dylan
actually, no–
the only thing that could be worse than having your post hijacked by people who have time to write essays about why you suck is to strike back.
remember, this is america. we do not negotiate with terrorists.
usher
Lets put a little less powder in the cannons there, Private Parentheses.
me
keep it going dylan!!!
Dylan's Mom
“My son the man-whore!”
fellow student
i’m embarrassed to be going to the same school as you.
Anon Wes Senior
You had a three way kiss in a middle of a cafe? I’m all for sexuality and whatnot, but if people started making out in front of me at Pi or Late Night, whether with 2 or more people, I’d probably stare. It’s not exactly the place for that…
I love you
Dylan you’re amazing keep it up! And once again, haters back off!
Reader
Shakira goes to Wesleyan!?!
anon
Well written, and pungently true. Great piece, though I hope you don’t read this comment beneath all the garbage ahead of me.
Anonymous
happy sex