Best/Worst of the ACB: BREAKING NEWS! Killer Tarantula(s) loose on campus!

, by Jacob Kleinman, Blargus Digital Age Correspondent

Potential tarantula in Butt A

dark brown tarantula may still be in my room and i hope it is, if you live on the second floor of butt A don’t worry it’s not harmful. it might be near bathrooms on other floors too, i was just gone for a while and propped my door open. im still looking so ill be walkin the halls a little

  • lolol hence no pets heir hairs are a bitch to pick out of ur skin if u get flicked
  • I’m going to find it before you do. And kill it.
  • As the former owner of a pet tarantula, I can confirm that tarantula hair in your skin is not fun. However, if the spider has been de-fanged it’s not all that dangerous.
  • I hope someone kills you.
  • You know how many people in your dorm have debilitating arachnophobia? NO. You have no idea, and yet you had the gall to not only subvert the rules to bring in a tarantula but also to pay little enough attention to its containment that it could get away from you.
  • i’m tempted to go down to butt a and look for the asshole looking for a spider so I can beat the crap out of him (or her).
  • I really hope this is just a bad joke. –Butt A resident
  • that little fucker better not make its way up to the third floor
  • Really, guys, tarantulas are not that scary. The worst that can happen is if it touches you (which will probably only happen if you let it) and you get a minor rash.
  • I just fucking saw it in butt C. I would have done something about it if i wasn’t scared shitless of any kind of spider, let alone a fucking tarantula
  • lol the tarantula is havin a lil adventure!

http://collegeacb.com/sb.php?school=wes&page=thread&id=203205&p=1

Moving on, in the world of ACB science, the astronomy of hipsterdom was recently revealed…

Becoming a hipster is like falling into a black hole.

Light outside of the event horizon can escape, while light inside the event horizon can not, and thus is never seen. Therefore, there is a location where light cannot escape, but is not close enough to be pulled in.

If an astronaut fell into a black hole, you would see him decelerate indefinitely as he approached, but you would never actually see him pass the event horizon.

It’s impossible to ever become a hipster because no one will ever see you pass the event horizon and become a hipster.

And if no one sees you being a hipster, you don’t get any attention. And isn’t that what it’s all about?

http://collegeacb.com/sb/wes/thread/204040

Best/Worst of the ACB: BREAKING NEWS! Killer Tarantula(s) loose on campus!

Potential tarantula in Butt A
dark brown tarantula may still be in my room and i hope it is, if you live on the second floor of butt A don’t worry it’s not harmful. it might be near bathrooms on other floors too, i was just gone for a while and propped my door open. im still looking so ill be walkin the halls a little

· lolol hence no pets heir hairs are a bitch to pick out of ur skin if u get flicked

· I’m going to find it before you do. And kill it.

· As the former owner of a pet tarantula, I can confirm that tarantula hair in your skin is not fun. However, if the spider has been de-fanged it’s not all that dangerous.

· I hope someone kills you.

· You know how many people in your dorm have debilitating arachnophobia? NO. You have no idea, and yet you had the gall to not only subvert the rules to bring in a tarantula but also to pay little enough attention to its containment that it could get away from you.

· i’m tempted to go down to butt a and look for the asshole looking for a spider so I can beat the crap out of him (or her).

· I really hope this is just a bad joke. –Butt A resident

· that little fucker better not make its way up to the third floor

· Really, guys, tarantulas are not that scary. The worst that can happen is if it touches you (which will probably only happen if you let it) and you get a minor rash.

· I just fucking saw it in butt C. I would have done something about it if i wasn’t scared shitless of any kind of spider, let alone a fucking tarantula

· lol the tarantula is havin a lil adventure!

http://collegeacb.com/sb.php?school=wes&page=thread&id=203205&p=1

Moving on, in the world of ACB scienc, the astronomy of hipsterdom was recently revealed…

Becoming a hipster is like falling into a black hole.

Light outside of the event horizon can escape, while light inside the event horizon can not, and thus is never seen. Therefore, there is a location where light cannot escape, but is not close enough to be pulled in.

If an astronaut fell into a black hole, you would see him decelerate indefinitely as he approached, but you would never actually see him pass the event horizon.

It’s impossible to ever become a hipster because no one will ever see you pass the event horizon and become a hipster.

And if no one sees you being a hipster, you don’t get any attention. And isn’t that what it’s all about?

http://collegeacb.com/sb/wes/thread/204040

About Ezra Silk

I have been interested in journalism ever since I was an editor at my high school student newspaper, where I was involved in a freedom of speech controversy that was covered in the local newspaper as well as local television and radio outlets. The ACLU became involved, and the ensuing negotiations lead to a liberalization of my school's freedom of expression policy. I worked as a summer intern at the Hartford Courant after my freshman year at Wesleyan, reporting for the Avon Bureau under Bill Leukhardt and publishing over 30 stories. At the Argus I have been a news reporter, news assistant editor, news editor, features editor, editor-in-chief, executive editor, blogger, and multimedia director. I have overseen the redesign of wesleyanargus.com, founding the Blargus and initiating ArgusVideo at the beginning of my time as editor-in-chief during the spring of my junior year. During my senior year, I have co-edited the Blargus with Gianna Palmer and founded Argus News Radio, a 15-minute weekly show produced by WESU 88.1 on which I conduct a weekly segment interviewing seniors about their thesis topics. I have written over 70 stories at the Argus and continue to do reporting and blogging as much as I can.

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