Jon may be a motorcycle-toting, incredibly potent, jerkoff, Kate could probably murder him, stow the body in a vat of acid, pour the acid in a river, and feed her eight children without a single person in the world knowing.

4. Lindsay Lohan vs. Drugs

COCAINE’S A HELLUVA DRUG—AND IT’S WINNING.

3. Ghostface Killah vs. The RZA

2. Russell Crowe vs. Everyone

This man could probably beat up the entire continent of Australia in single combat. But then again, he’s only played overweight dudes since Maximus—but honestly, after Gladiator, who the fuck would want to fight him?

1. Taylor Swift vs. Joe Jonas

This has been the most musically fruitful feud since Pac and Biggy. Joe: “and all the tears on her guitar, / I’m not bitter, but now I see, / that everything I’ll ever see is the girl in front of me. / She’s much better.”  Taylor (via MySpace video): on the Joe Jonas doll “see, this one even comes with a phone so he can break up with other dolls.”