Dear Journal,

You probably thought we were just fucking around when we said we were going to Google the publicist of How I Met Your Mother, but we assure you, it was in earnest. Sadly, it did not yield anything remotely helpful. We are still working on that one. Luckily, HIMYM lost at the Emmy’s, giving us a chance to pursue a new method of coercion. Now that they are at their most vulnerable, weeping because they have once again been passed over for big time critical acclaim, its time for us to move in and fill that hole. Here’s where we as the official stalkers—I mean journalists—take advantage of their misfortune. Why fret over this loss when we have created the solution: the WESLEYAN EMMY, or, as most prefer to call it, a Wemmy! Or, as we like to call it, “bait.”

We know that these alumni might be feeling in need of validation. Why not give it to them? HIMYM is clearly an amazing show, and we want the Thomas/Bays team to work. We want them to give them more of a reason to continue their show. And, above all, we want to give them a reason to come to campus and give us a GODDAMN interview! 

Contrary to popular belief, this award actually holds more prestige than an Emmy, in that it is chosen by three really cool and hip college students as opposed to rich television heavy hitters. There is only one category: Awesome Wesleyan Alumni Who Have Shows That Air During Prime Time, or the A.W.A.W.H.S.T.A.D.P.T. for short. We figure we can pull out all the stops, you know, dinner at Usdan (we hear television people are suckers for free frozen yogurt), and take them to Foss Hill, and maybe even get E! to cover it. We will tempt them with these luscious rewards, and if they don’t come, we’ll give the Wemmy to Joss Whedon.

Oh yeah, the new season premiered this week, didn’t it? Did you watch it? We didn’t—we were too busy planning Carter Bays and Craig Thomas’s downfall…we mean interview.