So now you’re out of your parents’ house. You have a condom. (And a single bed—ouch dude. And perhaps even a roommate—double ouch.) You’ve survived orientation week and your first day of classes. And whilst you run around, trying to get into those few overly popular classes, participating and observing the insanity of drop/add, you and every other freshman and transfer are also busy observing other sights.  You’re checking out your fellow students’ bodies, that is. Sizing them up and deciding how you yourself fit into the social sexual hierarchy of your new alma mater.

Soon you’ll know your schedule. You’ll start to get used to urinating while people of the opposite sex brush their teeth (er—perhaps not). And that bag of WesWell condoms placed lovingly by your RA will show up in your gender neutral bathroom.

Well, now what? Who explains to you the dynamics of sex and dating at college? Who tells you how to not have your heart broken? Who explains how to navigate the process of coming out? Who tells you not only where to get emergency contraception but also, how to discuss with your partner that you needed it?

Voila! Here I am—your humble sex and dating columnist. Sometimes taken, often single, straight but not vanilla, queer friendly and inquisitive, and so direct it’s scared off many a man. I’m no third degree black belt in the sack (though I have received more compliments than complaints) and I don’t claim to know it all.  But I’m willing to ask questions you might be too shy to go near and I have had greater than my fair share of interesting experiences to draw from.  Most of all, I’m just extraordinarily curious about how we all express ourselves sexually and romantically (read: what turns us on and why we get it on). I’m out there, in the field, do researching for you, like attending a fellatio workshop at a feminist-run sex shop.

“Sex talk” can be in your face, bawdy, and overly simplistic.  But nothing about sex is easy, nothing about sexuality is uncomplicated, and, perhaps most importantly, sex is not, despite great efforts, divorced from dating.

Dating at Wesleyan isn’t dead. Sure, guys don’t show up at my door with flowers and take me out for dinner and a movie.  When my mom was in college, 20 of the 22 women in her honorary had rings at commencement. But it’s not about marriage anymore, not usually, and not for a long time. So for us, dating is more about getting out there, having relationships and hook ups and friends with benefits and loves and experiments, for a pretty long time. Add to that the huge personal changes each of us goes through in college, the introduction of plentiful alcohol and drugs, the onset of chemical imbalance for many, the experience of living in extremely close quarters—it’s a mess.

But we’re all a mess. None of us know what we’re doing.  The best we can do is be thoughtful before we act or regroup and consider decisions made impulsively. Learn to avoid the potholes others have hit—or feel less alone for having had a similar experience.   You have to approach dating with a willingness to laugh at yourself and the inevitable slew of ridiculous situations you’ll find yourself in.  You will fumble because there is no right way to date at Wesleyan—so the pressure is off—go try and find love or get laid your own way.

Congratulations on your first day of school and welcome to Wesleyan. We’ll continue to offer you free condoms, twin XL beds, and some tales from the trenches. Hold on to your bootstraps, kids, it’s going to be rough and tumble. Stay tuned, stay sexy, and be safe, Wes.