Top Five Most Regrettable Argus Mis-Steps in Recent Memory
5. Mentos: The Death Maker – The usually tasteful Ampersand came under fire recently when it printed a graphic ad featuring a man shoving Mentos into a woman’s vagina, causing an immediate miscarriage. Personally, we don’t see what the big deal was. Nevertheless, we regret the error.
4. Really Mean Theater Reviews – So for a hot minute we thought giving our critics unbridled license to be mean made us hella legit... Then we realized we were becoming just like that episode of the Simpsons where Homer becomes a food critic and is always gratuitously mean in his reviews and then all the chefs in town try to poison him with a million-calorie eclair. And that we’re a college newspaper. And that this campus is really small. We regret the error(s).
3. Seniors Blow Cocks – This is an oldie, but a goodie. Remember when some drunk douche cocks punched the bus driver during senior cocks and almost got the whole thing cancelled? Well, perhaps we cocks could’ve announced the cocks story in a more mature and diplomatic cocks. We regret the error. Cocks.
2. College in Prison Editorial – This editorial may or may not have involved a bunch of poorly researched, totally half-assed assertions cobbled together in the middle of a sugar crash/pizza hangover. We regret the error... Except for the editorial cartoon’s reference to “Dead Man on Campus.” That was pure gold.
1. Inappropriately placed bunnies – A recent front page of the Argus featured a fluffy white bunny over the headline “Glitch Leads to Campus Gmail Vulnerability.” In a previous issue, we used a drawing of a duck-rabbit as filler. Some have suggested that this is unprofessional. Well, we say, fuck you grandpa! Bunnies are awesome! We do not regret the error, and we also fucked your mother!