Them v. Martin Benjamin

So, we’re a little sketchy on the details, but if we’re reading his last Wespeak right, Martin Benjamin has become a god. So while They made mincemeat of the last conservative commentator they encountered, They just weren’t prepared for Benjamin’s divine rhetoric.  Winner: Benjamin

Mamoun’s v. Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift sure was fearless after her upset of Britney in the first round, but there was no white horse to save her from Mamoun’s skillful use of boiling grease. Oh my my my indeed. Winner: Mamoun

Backstreet Boys v. Han Solo 

Ha. Ha ha ha. Cute. Winner: Solo

Zac Efron v. Santa

HO HO HO is right! No matter how much Zac tried to look like a good little boy, Santa still stuck some coal in his stocking (if you catch my drift). After literally filling Zac’s socks with about a metric ton of coal (magic), they took a long walk off a short pier. Over a lava pit. Don’t fuck with the fat man. Winner: Santa.