Pretentious Food Tips

, by Colin Small, Foodie

Having been thoroughly grossed out by my mother’s cooking methods these past two weeks, I’ve decided to just set a few guidelines, if the need arises in anyone else to eat food that has been cooked with taste in mind, and not the intention to clean out a refrigerator:

1. Freshness –

Recent fast-food trends have effectively rendered the word fresh nearly meaningless, to the point where it mostly means something that looks good on a bed of ice (I still don’t understand what makes Subway’s food fresh, although they claim that that a turkey sandwich is somehow fresher than a hamburger). Freshness, to a cook, should be a simple function of time. For most ingredients – meat, fruits, vegetables, spices, meat byproducts – one should always keep in mind how long its journey to your stomach has taken. This journey does not start in the supermarket. Rather, the shorter the time between the farm, slaughterhouse, or mill to your mouth, the better your food will be.

2. High Heat –

One of the most pervasive and horrible memes in the cooking world is “low and slow”; almost no solid piece of food benefits from this technique. The longer a piece of meat its in a pan, under a broiler, in a steamer or any other piece of equipment, the tougher, dryer, and less flavorful it will be. Any vegetable or fruit, on the other hand, will turn to mush and lose any semblance of having once been fresh. With high heat, a piece of meat will retain its moisture, and its protein strands will stay relaxed. A fruit or vegetable will retain its structure. In addition, high heat creates browning, which creates flavor. Think of the difference between a piece of bread and toast. The only “exception” to this rule is tough pieces of meat, even though it still technically applies. These pieces of meat (think pot roast) benefit from being overcooked, to the point where they fall apart and the protein strands are a chewable size. A piece of pot roast without its gravy is actually almost moisture-less.

3. Salt –

I can make this short and to the point. Your tongue cannot taste food without salt. Today’s rampant saltophobia is, quite frankly, misplaced. If you’re looking to cut down on sodium, throw away your Doritos, not your salt shaker.

More of such wisdom will come at a later date.

  • Thomas

    Gogo more tips!
    I remember I almost killed myself eating my food last time…
    but we’re all getting better :)

  • Tim

    As a graduate of Wesleyan, a member of Slow Food, and a working professional in the restaurant business I am extremely disappointed in both your title and your second point. Firstly, the idea that your well intentioned tops are “pretentious” is absurd. Rather, your first and third points are simply basic tenants of cooking. Use fresh ingredients and season appropriately. Great idea. Your second point however is simply obnoxious. Temperature control is the mark of a great cook. Searing, frying and roasting are all great methods of high heat cooking, but braising, marinating in acid (ceviche) and sous vide cooking are all low heat, but wonderful ways of cooking. Braising in particular benefits from first applying high heat, causing the maillard reaction from which you get the brown, delicous crispy bits, and then immersing in liquid for long slow cooking. Sous Vide can turn a normal carrot, which is then cooked in a vaccum sealed bag for 10 hours at a specific temperature in to a piece of delicious natural candy. Please, open you mind and your mouth to the ENTIRE lexicon of culinary traditions.

  • Anon

    Re: Above comment – I think he is trying to talk to the average person who cooks for him/herself. I don’t think Wesleyan students want to hear about Sous Vide, and I think he is talking about braising in the second point anyway.

  • Anonymous

    no, i agree with the poster two above. slow cooking at a low heat is the best way to turn even bad cuts of meat into something completely delicious. obnoxious tone, also– made more annoying by how clearly unwarranted it is with this lapse.

  • Anonymous

    completely agreed with tim. there is a looot to be said for slow cooking at low heat.

  • MOI!

    JUST TELL ME WHAT EXAMPLES OF PROEIN ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Student

    People need to chill out. The blog is for college students who need an alternative to Top Ramen and Cheerios. Absolute culinary excellence is not required.

  • Sonya

    Absolutely agree with these three tips. I’m a vegetarian (one of three in my family of five, we eat no meat/poultry/fish, haven’t for years!), but I do the cooking for the whole family, which obviously constitutes cooking meat for our two omnivores.
    Cooked my first rabbit tonight! Got it from the farmers market. Was it fresh? It was ALIVE two days ago! I roasted it at 375 with red potatoes, carrots, and celery, all drizzled with olive oil. Sprinkled sea salt and fresh herbs over all, and beau monde seasoning on rabbit. It browned beautifully. My son said it was better than venison, and he loves venison! (He’s an adventurous eater, loves sushi/sashimi, game, you name it.) I was somewhat traumatized by the process, but I try to serve the best possible meals, even I’ll never taste them!

  • Sonya

    Correction;
    even IF I’ll never taste them!

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