We come back from the fake commercial break. Brendan is passing out on the couch while Brian ventures into the audience. Over the break Brian took off one of his socks, put it on his hand and placed a lit cigar in the makeshift puppet’s mouth. Brian then walks up to a woman wearing a lot of makeup and the puppet asks, “Are you going to a kabuki theater after this?”

The woman does not laugh and she asks, “Hey, how old are you?”

“22,” Brian responds. “Why?”

“Ah, I was just wondering how long it’s been since you’ve been in a vagina.”

The woman’s witty retort takes Brian aback. The cigar falls from the puppet’s mouth and lands on the floor. A small fire begins in the seats and the audience starts frantically looting the set.

Sensing a complete loss of control, Brendan immediately gets up from his stupor. He tries to attract interest from the audience by asking them if they “would like to see our first bit.” A smattering of applause comes from the crowd, so Brendan grabs Brian and has him sit behind the desk. Sweating nervously, Brendan realizes that he does not remember the first bit.

Brendan: Umm…hey…let’s ahh…how about…I think…umm…maybe it’s time to…possibly take a look…into the future?

Brian: The future Conan?

Brendan: Yeah…uhh…co-host Brian Morgan…umm…let us all look into the future…all the way to the year 2000.

Brian’s pubescent singing voice cracks as he shouts, “In the year 2000, in the year 2000.” The bit went like this:

George W. Bush won the Presidential election…I ate a muffin…It was a leap year…My Grandma died…Microsoft was ruled to have violated anti-trust laws…I took a nap.

Once again, Brendan realizes that the audience has grown disinterested. He moves behind the desk to reveal a large lever to the crowd. Brendan places it on the desk and pulls on the lever. It plays a scene from “Growing Pains” where Tracey Gold’s character, Carol, is eating a ham sandwich and her brother, Mike, yells, “A pig for a pig.” Brian laughs hysterically at the joke and yells, “She almost died of anorexia when she was on that show, hahaha.”

Brendan, still not satisfied with the crowd’s negative reactions, asks a producer where the mailbag is. The producer throws the bag at him, but there are no letters in the bag. Brian comes back from offstage with the large water tank David Letterman uses for his game “Will It Float?” Brian starts throwing rocks into the tank and yells at Brendan to come over to the other side of the set.

Brian: Can we get a camera in here to give us a tight shot?

Brendan: Brian, what the hell are you doing? Everyone knows that stones sink.

Brian: Yeah, but look how shiny the rocks are when I put them in water.
(The producers cut to commercial).