These are the most over-played, over-exposed and generally abhorrent songs I’ve heard at Wes parties. As a caveat to all you knee-jerk types out there, nine out of the then songs listed here I once truly, truly loved. I still do like them, kinda. But Wesleyan nightlife has found a way to turn them all into nails on a chalkboard whenever I hear them at any sort of soiree… Oh well, there will always be new music, I guess.

10. B.O.B., Outkast

At least this song can claim full ownership of its title, now that Bank One Ballpark has rechristened itself as Chase Field. Listening to this song’s thundering drums is like inviting the USC marching band into your room––powerful, yes, but a pain in the ass after a while.

9. Wolf Like Me, TV on the Radio

This song starts off innocuously with a driving beat and a werewolf-based lyrical theme, two things which almost always make a song great. Then producer David Sitek’s instrumental Tourettes kicks in and the song turns into a bad post-punk tune recorded in a grain silo. I don’t know how they got that “whirring blender” effect near the end, but I wish they’d never found it in the first place.

8. 15 Step, Radiohead

Beginning with drums mixed so poorly they make Lars Ulrich’s infamous kit on Metallica’s St. Anger sound like perfect hi-fi, this song never fails to kill any sort of festive mood with four minutes of the customary Radiohead-style moping. At least I didn’t pay nothing for it.

7. Stronger, Kanye West

As a Chicagoan, I can’t escape this fucking song. When Mayor Daley #2 finally croaks, I’m sure they’ll play it at his funeral procession.

6. Kids, MGMT

We really need to stop going down on these guys just because they went to our school. I mean, loyalty is a commendable quality, but you won’t see Yale University asking any members of the Bush family to come back for commencement any time soon. This song also tints any get-together with an air of melancholia. No one I know wants to look at the Natty Lite in their hands and begin to realize it may only be an attempt to reclaim the youthful pleasure we used to get from playing with bugs and plants. Look for the next album by these guys, a rock-opera adaptation of Chekhov’s “Cherry Orchard.”

5. Daft Punk is Playing At My House, LCD Soundsystem

I would have loved to been in the studio with James Murphy and company when they came up with this one.

“Hey guys, you know what’s better than a hipster band? A song about a hipster band, by another hipster band! It’s like a Mobius Strip of hipster songs!”

“Yeah man, but you know what would be, like, even better? If its only musical element was a three-note bass line repeated over and over!”

“That sounds good…but only if we can drag it out to almost six minutes.”

(Also on the blacklist: anything by Daft Punk, sampling Daft Punk, or either daft or punk.)

4. Last Nite, The Strokes

In my experience, this song is usually accompanied by an atrocious sing-a-long featuring a group of too-drunk girls doing awkward 1950’s “handjive-like” motions and spilling their Captain Morgan and Diet Coke all over the floor. No matter what some other members of the Blargus staff may say, this band’s role as the Troubadours of the Over-Privileged is, like, totes over (thanks, Vampire Weekend). It also features a truly wretched guitar solo by Albert Hammond Jr. that sounds like an outtake from Kidz Bop 16: Junior Shredz!

3. Anything by Justice

The reason I say “anything” by this two-piece electro duo is that, especially underneath the din of a room full of revelers, most of the songs on Justice’s album Cross sound like they were made with Ferris Bueller’s fart-and-belch synthesizer. Instead of a good dance beat or ambient groove, Cross is an assault of trebly bass and bassy treble, the effect of which is like having Bootsy Collins following you with his amp pressed against your ear as you try to talk up that cute Afam major from LoRise.

2. Paper Planes, M.I.A.

The second this song’s ubiquitous sampled string riff kicks in, I find myself praying, “Please, music gods above, let it actually be ‘Straight to Hell’ by the Clash for once.’” But I never get my wish. This song continues to be an obligatory part of every social function on the Wesleyan campus except for Quaker Meetings for Worship. With its infantile rapping, endlessly repeating riff, and earworm chorus, “Paper Planes” was the “Hey Ya!” of 2007. Hopefully, like that song, it will soon be nothing more than an embarrassing oldie only our parents will name-drop in failed attempts at being hip.

1. Barbie Girl, Aqua

At certain parties, some assclown will put this on in an attempt to be clever and ironic. Hopefully, those guys have all suffered horrible personal tragedies to atone for torturing innocent revelers with this piece of shit song. They are also complicit in allowing Barbie to continue her reign of terror over the female sex. This tune is the most nightmarish thing to come out of Sweden since Bergman’s The Seventh Seal. Thanks, douchebags.