Fuck you, Fire Safety. No, seriously, fuck you hard. I am so mad right now I could spit; in fact, I am spitting, profusely. Is the WSA just something you can ignore? Apparently the fact that fire safety inspections were halted by the WSA because they are an invasion of our privacy and you already inspected everything means nothing to you.

What is it? Do you need more money? The fines weren’t enough in the fall? You know, greed is a sin.

I personally don’t really like it when a large group of people I don’t know (last time it was around eight of them) let themselves into my house, my room and my living space unannounced and unwelcome. It is a serious burden to have to be expecting unwanted company everyday. What’s worse is apparently I don’t even have to be there, much less any of my housemates! You can just waltz right in and inspect until your money-grubbing little (tiny) hearts are content.

But let’s get back to the point, shall we? Fire Safety is not supposed to be doing inspections this semester! The WSA said stop! Does that mean nothing? We are always told the WSA really gets things done, they really do stuff, they aren’t just there to make us feel better and more in control. That’s just a crock of shit, isn’t it? The WSA just blows hot air while you go behind their backs and do whatever the hell it is you want. That is not fair.

The WSA website says this: “Since Fire Safety completed their room searches for the year (which requires going to every dorm on campus) during the first semester, there is no need for them to continue to enter student residences.” Kudos on your timely completion, but please don’t take your newfound boredom out on us. I’m sorry you have to spend this semester in your offices doing whatever it is you do when it’s not milking residences for every finable penny, but please stop trying to validate your self worth through our suffering.

I would now like to point out that the one and only time that I have been fined by fire safety was my sophomore year (this would be the year you wanted to build a model dorm and set it on fire, remember?). That year you took my fan and fined me $100. A fan! I believe you called it a “personal space heater.” I will have you know that to this day it has only done the opposite of heating my personal space. After you took my fan and fined me, I had to go through a four-month-long appeals process. For a fan!

Yes, fire safety is important, God knows we’ve had enough dorm fires to last a lifetime at this school, but you don’t have to be zealots! You’ve already inspected our residences, you’ve already imposed upon us, you’ve already inconvenienced us and you’ve already interrupted me in the shower, so please just listen to the WSA and let it go!