Parent’s Weekend, what an idea! I couldn’t wait to show my parents the true, behind the scenes, college experience. Shit that those admissions tours don’t cover. Yeah, I messed my room up just to emphasize the whole point of the weekend—I’m in college bitches, and y’all can kiss my ass if you don’t like it! I hadn’t done laundry in three weeks just so my mom could do it for me. Do I feel bad, you ask? No, not at all. See, if there’s one thing that the past month and a half of college has taught me, it’s that high school sucked. And if there is one reason that I went to high school, it’s because my parents made me.

At eleven in the morning on Friday, my parents called me to ask if we could meet up for lunch.

“Meet up?” I asked. “I’m just getting up, old people.”

This is what I’m talking about. I actually felt like a college student when I was hungover and tired while eating my lunch with them. I felt like I owned them as I brought them along like dogs, showing them interesting structures and introducing them to people. For some reason they often tried to rationalize paying $50,000 a year for me to go to this school, what with my “attitude” and all.

“$50,000 a year? They serve pizza, hamburgers, and soft serve ice cream at every meal—it’s totally worth it!” I assured them. I expected a high five from my dad, but for some reason he didn’t reciprocate.

They canceled their reservation with the hotel after lunch and told me they would like to have a serious talk with me during fall break. Then they left an hour later, after I made them move my XBOX into my room. All in all, I would say they’ve finally realized that I’m a free man. You know parents—can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em. Anyway, I think I’m getting used to this college thing….