5. Pepper Potts’s character is too multifaceted for just two hours and 20 minutes.

4. The electromagnet in RDJ’s chest appears to have sucked away all traces of plot connectivity.

3. It may have been a bad movie, but at least I could stop by Burger King in my Dodge pickup, then go home and sip a Perrier while I browsed new Audi models on my MacBook.

2. RDJ’s goatee.

1. Transformers.

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