Stacey Augmon. I bet when I just mentioned him, he was the farthest thing from your mind. If he was, well, then you’re just an insensitive prick. Stacey “Plastic Man” Augmon was one of the most electrifying college basketball players of the early 1990s, a three-time Defensive Player of the Year while at UNLV, scoring more than 2,000 points and grabbing more than 1,000 rebounds on his career, and being a member of UNLV’s 1990 National Championship team. He also played in the NBA. And yet here you are, thinking about stuff like “getting a job” or “what to eat.” Bullshit. You’re gonna think about this man when you wake up, when you’re in the shower, and when you’re drunkenly sucking face. Here are some fun facts to get you started:

-In April of 1990, Stacey hit on black 28 consecutive times at the roulette table at the Sahara.

-Tutored Larry Johnson in the craft of acting when he was cast as “Grandma-ma” in the popular Converse commercials.

-Was deputized in Clark County, Nevada during his college years; crime subsequently declined in Las Vegas by 90%.

-Shot 100% from three-point range during his freshman year.

-Once shoved Jon Koncak down a flight of stairs for receiving “the most goddamn ridiculous contract I ever seen.”

-Moonlighted as a high-class male escort while at UNLV; reported earnings in the ballpark of $30,000,000.

-Apartment he rented while playing for the Blazers came with two full baths, free cable.

-Kicked Bobby Hurley in the crotch during 1990 NCAA Championship game; Hurley charged with technical foul.

-Was able to successfully complete the New York Times crossword puzzle after staying at a Holiday Inn Express in 2002.

-Led a mercenary army through the Central American jungle on an ass-kicking mission between his sophomore and junior years.

-Treated self to big bucket of fried chicken after scoring nine points in a win against the Knicks in February of 2004.

There. Don’t you feel better that I made Stacey Augmon a part of your life? Stacey Augmon. I bet when I just mentioned him, he was the farthest thing from your mind. If he was, well, then you’re just an insensitive prick. Stacey “Plastic Man” Augmon was one of the most electrifying college basketball players of the early 1990s, a three-time Defensive Player of the Year while at UNLV, scoring more than 2,000 points and grabbing more than 1,000 rebounds on his career, and being a member of UNLV’s 1990 National Championship team. He also played in the NBA. And yet here you are, thinking about stuff like “getting a job” or “what to eat.” Bullshit. You’re gonna think about this man when you wake up, when you’re in the shower, and when you’re drunkenly sucking face. Here are some fun facts to get you started:

-In April of 1990, Stacey hit on black 28 consecutive times at the roulette table at the Sahara.

-Tutored Larry Johnson in the craft of acting when he was cast as “Grandma-ma” in the popular Converse commercials.

-Was deputized in Clark County, Nevada during his college years; crime subsequently declined in Las Vegas by 90%.

-Shot 100% from three-point range during his freshman year.

-Once shoved Jon Koncak down a flight of stairs for receiving “the most goddamn ridiculous contract I ever seen.”

-Moonlighted as a high-class male escort while at UNLV; reported earnings in the ballpark of $30,000,000.

-Apartment he rented while playing for the Blazers came with two full baths, free cable.

-Kicked Bobby Hurley in the crotch during 1990 NCAA Championship game; Hurley charged with technical foul.

-Was able to successfully complete the New York Times crossword puzzle after staying at a Holiday Inn Express in 2002.

-Led a mercenary army through the Central American jungle on an ass-kicking mission between his sophomore and junior years.

-Treated self to big bucket of fried chicken after scoring nine points in a win against the Knicks in February of 2004.

There. Don’t you feel better that I made Stacey Augmon a part of your life?