5.
(If you’re a senior thesis enthusiast) Staring at your increasingly despised laptop screen, steeped in a putrid mix of misanthropy and total boredom, taking bets with yourself on the exact time and date you’ll crack under the pressure (AM I RIGHT SENIORS? YEAH WOOOO ’08)

4.
(If you’re a freshman) Were my high school friends always this ultimately unsatisfying?

3.
(If you’re a senior) Cuddling up with the gentle and forgiving blanket that is GRS: Brooklyn/Astoria/Crown Heights etc. etc. etc.

2.
(If you can read/look at pictures) Comparing and Contrasting the Witticisms of the New York Journalistic Community in Response to Eliot Spitzer’s Boner Escapades (The pants-down cover of “The New Yorker” was the best)

1.
(If you’re me) Professing disdain for “clichéd” nature of friends’ sunshine adventures, only to harbor fierce secret longing for hot tubs/banana scented oil/sunlight/fun/water slides/swimmies. Oh god, especially swimmies. Those were the days to be young.