5) The one in Hoboken. Great continental breakfast. I can order my eggs any way I damn well please! Fuck you Stalin. You don’t own me.

4) The one in Trenton. Impeccable turndown service. Note to other Best Westerns: I loved the mints, and the Aquafina, which was also placed on my pillow. The doorman, Jesus, was lovely.

3) The one in Newark. Never once felt unsafe. And trust me… I live a life of danger.

2) “High Noon.” Grace Kelly’s in this gem. She’s smoke. Gary Cooper, also hot for a dude.

1) The one in Canton, Ohio. Right near the Hall of Fame! Unsupervised jacuzzi is a definite plus. I can do whatever I want! No floaties for me.