You may be sitting at your desk, reading this article, wondering why, exactly, Mr. Smith will inexorably become the greatest American president in the history of presidents. You may also be a pedophile, but who’s counting. What you need to know is this, and this alone: Will Smith has saved the world 27 times. Zombies, aliens, robots, giant steam-powered antebellum mechanical spiders — you name it, Will Smith has saved the world from it. Worried about the recession? He’ll get the Secretary of the Treasury, Uncle Phil Banks, to personally reinvigorate the economy. Uncertain about the future of the United States in Iraq? As long as Selma Hayek doesn’t show up, just leave things to President Smith and Vice President Kevin Kline to end this war with all the expediency and humor that you would expect from a mismatched pair of biracial warriors. Concerned about the healthcare system? Well, just look into this light, and President Smith will have all your answers…whoa, buddy, you okay there? That truck almost hit you. Now have this tetanus shot and be on your way.

We could list a million, perhaps a billion, reasons why Will Smith should and will be the President of the United States. But that’s not what Op-Ed pieces are about — they’re not about facts or reason, they’re about heart, and balls, both of which Will Smith has seven of. That’s right, Will Smith has seven hearts, and seven balls, one for every day of the week. You need that much cardio and testicular fortitude to save the world 27 times.

So, how does Will Smith stack up against the other candidates? Well, he’s blacker than Barack Obama, with seven times the balls (Yes, Barack Obama has one ball. In high school they called him Barry One-ball-a. Email him your questions and concerns at B_01Balla@gmail.com). He is in better physical shape than Mitt Romney, having spent his more formidable years in West Philadelphia shooting some b-ball outside of school. And, as opposed to Mike Huckabee, he is a strong proponent of immigrant worker rights, having ridden a taxi cab all the way from Philadelphia to his throne in Bel-Air, even offering the polite salutation of smelling the cab driver later.

Will Smith, more than any other candidate in this field of xenophobic ethnocentrists, has embraced the Latino voter. He not only welcomes Cuban immigrants to Miami, but rather extends a bilingual olive branch by bienvenido-ing them a Mee-a-me. On top of that, he pleads with them to party on the beach until dawn breaks over the Atlantic horizon. And, when Future Commander in Chief Smith strolls down the sunny streets of Southern California, he’s always sure to smile when the local Mexican-American passerbys yell to him, with a glimmer of hope and a scent of love, “Yo, Robot!”

Despite President Bush’s assertions to the contrary, children have been left behind during his eight- year reign. But Will Smith doesn’t leave children behind; he builds castles in the sky with them.

Other candidates’ political experience has been called into question, but with Will Smith, there is no question: only answers — emphatic, black answers. Smith has extensive experience as a diplomat, serving as the Prince of Bel-Air from 1990-1996. In addition, he has dealt with (Martin Luther) Kings, Queens (Latifah), and Presidents (Bill Pullman). Also, he didn’t lose the Vietnam War — looking at you, McCain. Who was fighting in Vietnam, the Vietnamese? Oh, real tough. They’re people. Try running down a cephalapoid on foot. Try teaching Matt Damon to play golf. Try convincing a family of white people that you’re Sydney Poitier’s illegitimate son. You couldn’t do that, McCain. You’d convince no one.

Nationwide support for Supreme Commander Smith has been snowballing like Elton John at Studio 54. In the last Gallup poll, when asked, “Who would you vote for for president?” one person answered “me,” that person being Will Smith. In the previous poll, when asked “Who are you going to vote for for president?” no one answered “Me,” mainly because Will Smith was not asked the question. This jump from zero “Me”s to one “Me” represents an infinite increase in Will Smith supporters, which means that thirty Gallup polls from now, about 27 billion people will support Will Smith for president.

Simply put, Will Smith is the voice of our generation. Your parents just don’t understand, a point that necessitates no argument. It is time we usher in a new Willenium, albeit eight years later (point of clarification: a Willenium is only eight years long). Mr. Smith is going to Washington; we’ll see him there, about seven or eight.