[For best effect, read note aloud in the style of a 1920s newsreel narrator]

Listen here chief, I got a story. Story that’ll knock your socks off. This story’s big. Big as the Chrysler Building I tell ya. I’m going right to the horse’s mouth with this one. We’re going to Washington; Seattle, Washington that is. Big things there, big things. They got Negroes voting I tell ya, in plain daylight, it’s crazy stuff! They got flying robots and talking women! Can’t make it up, never seen it before with my own two peepers, and I’ve just been to LensCrafters, so I know my peepers is good. Got this one dame I tell a, girl’s got gams from here to Kalamazoo. Pretty as a picture this one is I tell ya, pretty as a picture. We gotta put her in the talkies. Girl’s got a face for Mt. Rushmore I tell ya, put her up there right next to President Roosevelt. She’s gonna run Howard Hughes right outta town, this one. I can hear the papers flying right off the shelves I tell ya, pages two, three, four, five, give it a hold spread. Banner headline I tell ya, banner headline. “Western Wonderful Woman Wows Washington Wepowtuh.” Get Elmer Fudd in on the movie deal, we’re talking greenbacks I tell ya greenbacks. But I gotta scram, scidaddle, twenty six skidoo my way outta here, I heard Rudy Valentino’s playing the Roxy, and I ain’t missing that for the world.

– Brian J.P. Morgan, Brendy “Dollar” Bill Larkin, Alex Gelman-oh’man