Tuesday’s lunch was part of Bon Appetit’s intranational “eat local” campaign, and featured Connecticutian agricultural products and specialties. Students ate apples, squirrels, apple cider, pumpkins, and apple fritters (fried in squirrel oil and glazed with pumpkin seed extract). For dessert, instead of the usual soft-serve ice cream, Bon Appetit featured a comprehensive selection of different life, health, car, and home insurance plans. Students feasted on Progressive, Aetna, and State Farm. Usdan employees looked on in dismay as many students took more insurance than they could consume, and ended up throwing out large portions.

In addition, Good Ole Tom sat at the “Sizzle” stand- along with a sad looking widow and her dog- and harassed students looking for hamburgers. “You come down to Good Ole Tom’s and get your money,” he told bemused students. “I’ll be glad to see you. Gold is at a ten-year high. You come down to Good Ole Tom’s.” When he got no takers, Good Ole Tom became belligerent and started lunging at students’ necks, clawing at their gold jewelry. He was asked to leave. Meanwhile, the widow made plaintive requests for help. “I’m out of things to pawn. I’ll buy you alcohol if you’ll just feed me.”

Also featured, instead of the usual Mongolian Barbecue, was a classic Connecticutian dish. A small fraction of suburban students were given a fantastic fresh lobster, served over penne rustica in a white wine sauce. Everyone else was given mushy rigatoni with margarine. While waiting on line, one student suggested that the chef divide the enormous portions of lobster between the two dishes. “That wouldn’t be very locally-minded, now would it?” a Wesleyan Bon Appetit representative responded. “Maybe if you paid higher taxes, you could have lobster too. But otherwise, that just wouldn’t be fair to the other students.”

After the rousing success of this month’s “eat local” lunch, Bon Appetit hopes to hold an “eat local” dinner in December, featuring snow, heroin, and Meatloaf.