The Ampersand has always been inquisitive. Is there a God? What’s the key to happiness? Who shot J.R.? In this issue, we are going to focus on the toughest question to answer: WHAT THE FUCK?

– Summerfields no longer does late night. What the fuck?

– No hay quesadillas en el campus. ¿Que el fuck?

– I read a comic book printed nine years ago that said we would have jet-powered backpacks by the year 2007. What the fuck?

– The Bachman Turner Overdrive song “You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet” isn’t about Stevie Wonder. What the fuck?

– John Tesh isn’t on “Entertainment Tonight” anymore. What the fuck?

– The Ampersand doesn’t have a penis joke this issue. What the fuck?

– In the last issue of “The Argus,” an article ended with the phrase, “I was shocked how big it was.” What the fuck… are they doing talking about our penises in the Argus? Oh snap!

Happy Jew Year!

Brendan, Brian, and Gelman