Usdan…what the fuck?

, by Angus “12 Meal Points a Word” McCullough,

Let’s face it, The UsDAN campus center, seemingly transported from a state school in the Deep South, pretty much sucks. But why does it suck so much? Why does it have to be so….lacking in panache? What the fuck?!

Perhaps you were not aware, dear reader, that the first entry in the Microsoft Word auto-correct dictionary in response to UsDAN is Sudan. I know this for a fact because I have typed it at least twice already on this page (no no, don’t check or anything). If you’re going to pick a wealthy donor for a major campus building, make sure their name can’t be used to insinuate an utterly horrific and terrible raping of a country. Was “OngoC” or “YenKa” taken? I mean, at least Conn College has a respectable African-country-name center, the “Angola”. But Wesleyan? Nope. No fine wool coming to us from this name. Man, What the fuck?

And the sushi isn’t all that good. You’d think that if you went to the trouble of actually hiring some real Japanese immigrants, it would be decent. And if not, you could just force them to lick the floor clean, or do some dirt for you or something if the sushi wasn’t absolutely mindblowing. But no, we just get somewhat well priced “Spicy Rolls”. What the fuck is a “spicy roll”? Besides some weird brown colored liquid all over two day old rice balls? (Yeah, its delicious. Fine.)

But what the fuck?

Don’t even get me started on late night. No really, let’s move on.

Even the workers hate the place. Goddamn. What the fuck?

But I MISS Mocon. WHAT THE FUCK?!

  • George

    This piece is an embarrassment. If you knew, or even considered, how much the Usdan family loves Wes, you’d feel pretty stupid for writing this piece. Whiny Wes students complaining about resources most college students will never have. After the insult to the Usdan family, the worst part about this is it’s just no funny. No edge, no irony, not funny at all.

  • David Lott, ’65

    “The UsDAN campus center, seemingly transported from a state school in the Deep South, pretty much sucks. ”

    Great analogy because, you know, Wesleyan is so much better than state schools, especially if they are in the south.

    As the previous comment said, “No edge, no irony, not funny at all.” He left out the part about your piece being snobbish and bigoted.

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