Students of Wesleyan: do you have a Facebook? Yes, of course you do. Facebook is so fun. You can talk to your friends, post inside jokes on their walls, and show the whole world just how cool you are in tagged photos. But, Students of Wesleyan, I have sad news. You are being shielded from the truth. Blinded by the promise of Facebook glory. The truth is, Students of Wesleyan, that Facebook is a socially irresponsible institution, and we, as a student body must divest from it.

Think of Facebook this way. For every wall comment you make, Mark Zuckerberg, creator of Facebook, makes a nickel. These nickels accumulate, and eventually he will use your nickels to go to the grocery store and buy himself some groceries, which may include such products as beer, peanut butter, and Hot Pockets. He transports these groceries to his car in plastic bags. Later, when he goes to recycle the plastic bags, he drops one by accident. This plastic bag makes its way to the shoreline of whatever state Mark lives in, unless he lives in the Midwest, in which case the bag must first cross state lines. There, it floats out to sea, is eaten by and turtle, and slowly suffocates its unfortunate victim. Is this scenario, duplicated over and over through thousands of wall comments, nickels, plastic bags, and turtles, really what we want? An end to all turtles? No! A resounding no! A thousand times no!

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Mark Z. doesn’t even use plastic bags. He always asks for paper, and when the clerk ignores him, he acts like an upper-middle-class self-righteous jerk and insists on paper until he gets his way. This may be true. This statement may, in fact be extremely true. The very pinnacle of truth. But, Students of Wesleyan, that’s not the point. Grocery bags aren’t the point. Divestment is the point. And we can only achieve divestment as a student body if we come together, saying, “No, Facebook, we won’t be accomplices to your turtle-killing reign of terror.”