NEGATIVES

The largest negative, by far, is a perceived antipathy towards babies, infants, and toddlers. Ever since Mitt came to national prominence, there has been a small but devoted group of detractors whose goal it is to tarnish Mitt’s reputation by spreading rumors of his abuse of children, most prominently, that of him being a baby rapist. While journalists have, for the most part, ignored this charge, opinion shows on cable news and blogs have been especially effective in spreading this rumor. Chief among these is the website www.mitttherapist.com, which has a paid media team spreading the rumors, as well as a guy who is really good at Photoshop (one of his works of Mitt dropkicking a baby in Framingham was on the front page of the Boston Herald).

Of the 40% of the population polled who know who Mitt Romney is, over 53% associate either the phrases “baby rapist” or “infant killer” with him. Surprisingly, the most common usage of the phrase is not from the extremist left, but from those in the conservative movement who are supporting other candidates. While strength is a virtue, there is a perception of Romney as a Jekyll/Hyde type who, while perfectly-coifed and immaculate in the spotlight, is a “subhuman monster” in his spare time who derives “magic evil powers” from raping babies. A number of comparisons to Vandals and Mongols have also been made.

SOLUTIONS

Take repeated clear stands against the harming of America’s youth. Mitt needs to show the country at every turn that he loves the youth of America. He must only speak of this in positive terms, e.g. no acknowledgment of the accusation that he rapes babies.

Hire an ex-Soviet hit team to systematically terminate all outspoken enemies of the Romney campaign. We could also use ninjas. This is going to be awesome.