So, Grandma Mocon finally gets her bio in the paper. Freakin’ finally, Argus.

Why wait so long to feature G-Mocs in the paper? Were you frightened by her GMILF nature (I realize this is the second of two weeks I’ve made mention of GMILFs. I assure you, I prefer ’em young, as many ladies shall attest (wink wink))? Or did you simply put it off until now, thinking “oh, whatever. I’m just going to steal the Ampersand’s money for a hooker and cheese party?” And I know you, Argus. You would get an unsatisfactory cheese platter at best.

Since you’ve taken so long, why not keep us posted on the goings-ons of the other people in employ around campus. Like that P Safe guy with the bitchin’ high-top fade? Take me beneath the fade, even beneath the follicle. But not too deep, though. I respect a man’s personal space.

Or that guy with glasses at Summerfield’s who yells out the numbers with such gusto? Clearly he must have gone through some arduous voice training to get to that vocal level. Bring me behind the story, behind the man, behind the giggling when he shouts “69!” Take me there, Argus.