As valentine’s day approaches, and the hunt for a suitable one-day mate escalates, I find myself with a quandary. Who to pick? There are, obviously, hundreds of choices for a stud like me, but does one person fill the role well enough? Can a single person encompass all of the qualities I expect from the meaningless relationship known as the valentine (smokin’ bod, appreciation of “chain hang low”, and of course, smokin’ bod)?

NO, one person cannot.

So I ask this: will you, the general public, be my valentine? Pretty please?