Oh, here is to you Nat Webb. Amazing editor, beacon of funny, and affirmitive action leader (yeah, we actually don’t know that much about you). You made us laugh, you made us think, you liked Van Halen more than the average person, you looked at us while wearing glasses, you walked towards us wearing Converse (possibly?),and currently you are making Brendan and I cry because we don’t know what the fuck we are doing. So, here are some of your greatest hits to remember you by. Let this serve as the memorial of your legacy. (Read this article while listening to Billy Joel’s Uptown Girl for full effect.)

In Elizabethtown, the puppy has a cameo as Christopher Walken.

You took the heart of me, sir! If ever I had thought to know true love, to know contentment with a man, all such hope was dashed to the ground by you.

Under Connecticut law, a pickle is only a pickle if it bounces.

But with a combination of hard-hitting investigation and virtuoso skin-flutery, the Ampersand has gotten our hands on a few pages of the script, which reveal Keillor’s dirty talk as he takes Lohan from behind for the first time:

Lacrosse: Lacrosse is very important to rich white boys from New England, for whom it is an occasion to remember the American Indian tribes who died to make way for Greenwich, Connecticut.

Biology: Learn to say things like “engorged” instead of “hard-on.”

PHED240 The Negro Leagues… in Space!

I have a full-time job at Yoshimoto’s Hot Times!! Adult Arcade Fun Place as a Dance Dance Revolution stripper. It’s a pretty good deal; Mr. Yoshimoto gives me free games and I make decent tips. But it’s not all glory. If you let your health meter drop into the danger zone, you can say goodbye to all the groupies, the fame, the five-spots stuck in your crack.

GOOD DEATH: Winning your family’s freedom in a poison-drinking contest

BAD DEATH: Beaten with a hose by Sir Paul McCartney

In Ghost, the puppy is a ghost.