Supporters of Democratic politician Lyndon LaRouche have been campaigning heavily in Connecticut, warning voters that a vote for incumbent senator Joseph Lieberman is essentially a vote for Hitler, but a giant robot Hitler that breathes lightning bolts from his mouth and poops on old folks’ homes and doesn’t like chalking. LaRouche also believes that anyone who gives Lieberman AIDS then beats him to death with a baseball bat “will be remembered by history as a true American hero and patriot.” He also believes that Jews are fine, and it’s sad that 1.5 million of them died in Nazi work camps, but scheming, money-grubbing, lying Zionists should be shipped to an island to die.

The Ampersand has also uncovered the secret training regimen from a LaRouche Youth Movement weekend retreat. Their daily plan follows:

10:30 am. Vocal Warm-Ups.
11:00 am. Vocalizing.
11:45 am. Lunchables.
12:30 pm. Solfege.
1:00 pm. Close Harmony Workshop.
2:30 pm. Principles of Democracy.
2:40 pm. Snackydoodles.
3:15 pm. Enunciation of Bach’s German.
4:00 pm. High Tea.
4:15 pm. Satirical Lyrics Workshop.
5:00 pm. Daily Reading of The Protocols of the Elders of Zion.
5:45 pm. Dinner.
7:00 pm. Self-Congratulatory Fucking.