Rosary Beads: Until the little Draculas and French Maids start dressing up as little Popes, we have to make sure the focus stays on Jesus (and keep the “hallow” in Halloween).

Candy Porn: A variation on the age-old Halloween classic, but with a sinful aftertaste.

Pre-Filled-Out Proxy Votes for Election Day.

Condoms.

Laxatives: Not all kids have been eating at MoCon, after all.

Assorted Tattoos: They could say stuff like “Happy Halloween,” “Pumpkins are Fun,” and “I <3 the Patriot Act.”

Influenza.