Mr. Alfredo,
How someone can make such shitty shrimp alfredo using so few ingredients is really a modern marvel. Now, I’m not saying that all Italians are waiters, but many, many, MANY of the waiters at Alfredo’s Seaside Restaurant last night were Italian. I’m not an Italiophobe, but Italians are not special. So why is it acceptable to hang green-white-and-red flags over everything? If we can have a restaurant that serves one ETHNICITY of food, why can’t it serve the others? Such constant distinctions are what fuels racism in the first place.
Italian, Mexican, and gay are just TYPES OF FOOD, and having “Fourth-Best Shrimp Alfredo” awards over such trivial matters is what encourages prejudice (and makes non-Italians think that they’re just, as Beastcraft sang, “burnt on the altar by the worshippers in Sepharvaim, all in the honour of Adrammelech.”)
I, of course, feel tremendously sorry for anyone whose shrimp alfredo has been viewed as a mark of dishonor simply because of how it was made. But hanging up award plaques or chalking “Eat at Alfredo’s” is not solving anything.
And allow me to go further: such concepts as “Fourth-Best Shrimp Alfredo” are particularly egregious examples of racism, and the point would be made clear if someone were to suggest “Fourth-Best Cheesebuger” or chalk “Eat Turkey.” People should feel safe eating any type of food, but to rabidly fight for everyone to agree that your shrimp alfredo is fourth best is inappropriate. Your absurd notions of “chalupanormativity” do not mean that we should force-feed pasta primavera to babies until the statistics even out. Everyone at Wesleyan acknowledges that Alfredo’s exists, whether or not they agree that your shrimp alfredo is fourth best.
Maybe I should give you a taste of your own cuisine and just serve you flavorless sauces at my restaurant, but I truly believe that Lysol Wipes are the best disinfectant. And furthermore, if you would like a more lucid idea of what the “Fourth-Best Shrimp Alfredo” tastes like, perhaps you should ingest a dog’s feces.