In a grainy video cassette delivered to the Office of Public Safety very late on Monday night, the members of Wesleyan’s newest underground organization, the Lightening Society, revealed themselves to be the surviving members of the Midnight Society, the stars of Nickelodeon’s early ’90s frightfest Are You Afraid of the Dark.

The tape began with the appropriately diverse group of Eric, Betty Ann, Gary, Kiki, Kristen, Tucker, Sam, and Stig (Frank served as a congressional page in the late ’90s and has been in seclusion ever since; David committed suicide after the breakup of Creed) sitting around a fire, admiring one another’s flat tops and bowl cuts. After a brief discussion of the sexual tension between Betty Ann and Eric and how much “fun” Funions are, Stig, the dreamy rebel of the group, threw the requisite handful of birch-bark powder on the fire.

“Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this story ‘The Tale of the Oppressed Upper Middle Class White People,’” declared Stig. However, rather than transition into a bone chilling tale of contemporary suburban horror and evil, the Midnight Society members simply sat there, staring blankly at one another.

“Uhh, we’re the ones that are doing the chalking,” said Tucker, “but, um, it’s scary chalking!”

“Yeah, I drew a penis on the sidewalk,” added Kiki, “a haunted penis.”