From Classes:
• Professors really don’t like me.
• Everyone has the capability to know an extreme amount about one thing, and think they should lord it over you.
• Raising your hand is for douche-nozzles and turd faces, especially in Westerns class. Yeah, you know who you are. Just get down on your knees and blow Slotkin already.

From Friends:
• Fraternities are for bitches, but also where one gets bitches. Catch-22?
• All you need is one friend with a lot of points, and everything seems to work out.
• If you drop trivia about Kafka, Elia Kazan, or the Talmud, inversely to what people may think in other places in the world, you have a chance to get laid

From the Ampersand:
• Women are not funny, but funny to make fun of. (Bitch, you still here? Ha ha!)
• Black people are funny, but not funny to make fun of. (What are you, a racist?)
• Jews are funny, and as funny to make fun of. (Hoishel!)

From Wesleyan:
• No one will tell you why the entire administration steps down in a single semester. (Someone check South College for the dead hooker repository.)
• Hills are the best toy, bar none.
• That I’m an idiot. Whatever, you guys are cool. Have a great summer.