May 23
Bonus Cocktails
9 p.m. – 1 a.m.

Have gleefully awkward conversations where you promise to have dinner sometime this week with people you have no intention of ever having dinner with.

~~~

May 24
Senior Outing
5 p.m. -11 p.m.

Sit back and relax on over 100 acres of beautiful woodland and meadows. Be sure to take advantage of the many resort-like facilities: softball fields, tennis courts, mini golf course (9 holes), soccer fields, basketball courts, ping pong tables, a sand volleyball court and a large heated pool. None of which you’ll be able to use because you’ll be too busy crying alone somewhere in the woodlands.

~~~

May 25
Semi-Formal
8 p.m. to 1 a.m.

Stain nice clothing with your tears!

~~~

May 26

Fuck the Pain Away!
All night long
Enough said.

~~~

May 27
DJ Party
9 p.m. – 1 a.m..

Get quietly drunk for the last time in college while a DJ plays “Hey Ya!” in the background and think about how in 20 years, this song will be played on classic rock stations.

~~~

May 28

Holy Fucking Shit.