“We hope to be invited to Wesleyan performances and lectures and sporting events and to lunch at the new Usdan Center, and to continue helping Wesleyan in any way we can,” Midge said.

After two years of regularly taking lunches for free from the Usdan Center Cafeteria, claiming “I was invited—are you really going to make an honored guest pay for lunch?” Midge Bennet was officially banned Tuesday from the two year old building. The total amount Bennet owes the university for the estimated 364 lunches stolen is $3712.

“When Dougy and I announced our retirement in 2006, I asked to be invited to lunch at the new Usdan Center,” she said in defense. When asked if she was ever actually invited, she responded, “I’m Midge Bennet, goddamit! Doesn’t that mean anything to you?!”

When not eating vegan burritos or tofu potatoes, Midge has spent the last two years at her Connecticut home with her husband, former Wesleyan University President Doug Bennet. “Things were a lot easier for us when I was still president,” he commented. “We had free lunches every day, and the University hired kids to serve us and our guests. We’re not used to hiring the help ourselves, you see, so you can see why Midge feels drawn to the new campus center.”

The students who were around when Bennet was still president have expressed outrage at Midge’s ban from the campus center. “Midge Bennet’s presence nearly every day at the pizza station was a loving reminder of years past, when good folks like Katie B. and Johann P. were still around,” Wesleyan’s pride, Ted Feldman ’09 commented. “Let’s just say that I’m going to express my outrage over this fiasco in my third album, which is being released this Spring through Warner Bros. Records.”

Current President Mug Fennet has also commented on his own decision: “I don’t know. I thought that her actions were a bit ridiculous before, but I just finished reading senior Ted Feldman’s script for his next feature film, and let’s just say that ‘compelling’ doesn’t fully describe just how powerfully persuasive it is. And especially with his impeccable filmmaking skills, I don’t think there’s any possible way that my original decision will be seen as reasonable. That’s why I’m reversing it.”

President of the Usdan Center Ted Feldman ’09, comments on President Fennet’s decision: “I think he made the right choice. Midge is always welcome here. As soon as I’m done treating all the orphans of Middletown to lunch, I’m going to treat Midge Bennet to lunch. And then after I hand in my fourth thesis this, and then pitch in the big game today, I’m going to congratulate President Fennet on his decision.”