Fun Things to Do During Commencement
• Text your friends
• Text your enemies
• Get the high score on cellphone Snake
• Beat the high score you just got
• Call your friends as they receive their degrees
• Wish there were something to do other than play with electronic gadgets
• Play with your “gadget”
• Listen to some crusty old guy who should be dead talk about your future, which he thinks will probably involve flying cars
• Think about how sweet flying cars will be
• Write a Wespeak about how the commencement speaker isn’t famous enough

The Funniest Ampersand Lists of Our Time
• That List of All the Funny Lists in Last Year’s List Issue

Things That Are Harder to Do Once You’ve Moved Back Home
• Masturbate
• 3 a.m. dance parties
• Imitate the Pope (unless you’re Jewish)
• Order sex toys from the internet
• Not use “gay” to describe your mom’s meatloaf, Meatloaf
• Your girlfriend
• Fuck the binary

Ampersand Editors Who Have Not Attended a Single Meeting All Semester – Not Even the Meeting Where Katie Made Us Hamburgers and Hot Dogs
• Johann Patlak

Things That Were Better about Wesleyan When We Were Freshmen
• Chalking
• Late-night at the Campus Center
• The good Summerfields
• Fauver Field
• The space between the ’92 and the chapel, which was a hole
• //toodrunktopunk
• Our faith in the institution of higher education
• The freshman class

Things That Will Undoubtedly Be Worse When You’re a Senior
• The food
• The space between Fayerweather and the alumni gymnasium, which is a hole
• Martin Benjamin’s soundness of mind
• The University president’s wife (Amper <3 Midge 4eva!)
• Eclectic parties
• Our football team— no, wait, they can’t get any worse. No, literally.
• The senior class
• The Ampersand