Do you hear that? Listen closely, faithful followers, can you hear it? That distant bell toll from far off Argus offices. What is it, you ask? That is the dong of liberation, the ding of freedom, for the witch is dead, and with her goes a tyrannical reign of estrogenical “humor.” For, my literate legions, Katie Brown has left us, taking her repressive shackles of vagination to Brooklyn, where she will teach inner city school children/work at an organic food store/give George Clooney hand jobs.

So, what exactly does this mean for you, the religious reader of this here Ampersand? This means me and Nat are editors! (If you need to use this paper to clean up your ejaculations of ridiculous excitement, please, go ahead. Just use the comix section.) This conflagration of mind-blowingly sweet awesomeness can only be compared to the 1992 Olympic basketball Dream Team, except instead of kicking the crap out of third world countries that had been introduced to basketball three years earlier, Magic Johnson and Michael Jordan team up to edit a college newspaper humor section.

Point being, if you didn’t get that last reference, get used to it. No more of that “women deserve to vote” feminist crap that Katie forced us to make funny about or she’d drag us to a Talking Heads Automatica Men Women and Wolves Parade concert. Now, me and Nat-Dawg will be spitting humor about dude stuff, like cars, boobies, and prostate cancer. For example, look at these revised headlines:

New E-dick-tors Replace Old Edit-whore

Two Chicks do it in Mocon food

Pres. Bennet does Two Chicks

Two Chicks chew Chicklets… while doing it

Chicken Head found in Mocon food

Pres. Bennet Resigns

Chewing Chicklets gum found to cause SARS

Next time you see my name in print, it will no longer be the mundane proletariat “Alex Gelman.” Oh no, my loyal subjects, it will be “Alex Gelman, ed.” Do you know what “ed.” stands for? Well, let me say that maybe once you grow an enormous dick, they’ll put an “ed.” after your name, too.