1) The Weather
Alhough talking about the weather any other time of year is taboo, perpetual disappointment warrants serious discourse: Fuck you, God.

2) Blossoming Trees and Flowers
Outside my window, there is a beauteous tree that is in the middle stages of blossoming baby beauteous tree flower things (I’m no scientist), and every morning as I wake up, its sweet little branches tickle my window pane with the sweet sound of spring and the fresh smell of nature. Or at least that’s what I’m told. When I wake up, my eyes are crusted shut and I can’t breathe out of my nose— if I can breathe at all. All thanks to the allergies endowed upon me by God, who should be fucked.

3) Mating Season for Penguins
That means more penguins! Awesome!

4) Girls in Skimpy Clothes
Fuck me for choosing Wesleyan, the one place in the world where girls respect themselves. And God. Fuck him for making self-respecting girls.