January – March: Points seem unreal, infinite. Rampant spending ensues, characterized by Red & Black paninis and WesWings burgers. Energy drinks and whole chickens bought for friends, enemies, girls I think are cute.

April 2nd: 148 points. Girlfriend, previously won over with magnanimous spending habits, begins paying for me at Campus Center.

April 5th: 122 points. Girlfriend now paying for me at Mocon. Eating at Mocon.

April 11th: 84 points. Weshop purchases pared down to essentials: Rock Star energy drink, endangered-animal chocolate.

April 14th: 61 points. Girlfriend suggests wiping with Argus comics page rather than precious toilet paper. Have been doing so since 2003.*

April 17th: 43 points. Birthday. Dinner with parents at La Boca makes hunger seem laughable, impossible.

April 21st: 43 points. So hungry. Ampersand meeting provides much-needed chips, beer.

April 22nd: 43 points. Hunger madness leads to Weshop candy splurge. Sick of Swedish Fish for first time in life.

April 23rd: 7 points. Eating Argus comics page.

April 24th: 7 points. Incompetent knuckle-dragging mouth-breather at WesWings fucks up burger, adding extra lettuce rather than removing all lettuce; neglects sweet, nutritious tomato, bacon entirely.

April 39th: Where am I?