At a press conference Monday, the Wesleyan Film Studies department released notes belonging to film major Liam Neeson ’74. The notes outline Neeson’s plans for a thesis discussing his own work in films not yet released, filmed, written, or conceived. Titled “Usually Dying, Sometimes Turning Evil: Contesting Postmodern Experientialisms of Liam Neeson as Father Figure in the Films of Liam Neeson,” the thesis, the notes reveal, was eventually discarded for Neeson’s new plan to “drink a beers [sic] than [sic] drive a forklift in [sic] the pathes [sic].”

The notes, which have been carbon-dated to late fall of 1973, mostly describe Neeson’s roles in various motion pictures released between 1993 and 2005. The following is an excerpt of the notes, scrawled primarily in crayon and goat’s blood, which form the core of Neeson’s aborted thesis work.

Rob Roy— Robert Roy MacGregor— father figure

Nell— Dr. Jerome ‘Jerry’ Lovell— father figure

Breakfast on Pluto— Father Bernard— father figure

Love Actually— Daniel— father figure; wife dies

Kinsey— Alfred Kinsey— father figure; almost dies

Les Misérables— Jean Valjean— father figure; death cut out of movie

Kingdom of Heaven— Godfrey— father figure; dies

Michael Collins— Michael Collins— father figure; dies

Gangs of New York— “Priest” Vallon— father figure; dies in front of his son

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe— Aslan— father figure; dies in front of emotionally adopted children; comes back to life

Star Wars: Episode I- The Phantom Menace— Qui-Gon Jinn— father figure; dies in front of emotionally adopted son; appears as Force-spirit later

Batman Begins— Henri Ducard— father figure; turns out to be evil; dies

Schindler’s List— Oskar Schindler— father figure; stands over his own grave at the end

Untitled Steven Spielberg Abraham Lincoln Project (pre-production)— Abraham Lincoln— father figure to a nation; dies